The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

I SUPPOSE if people read this and they think of conversations they’ve had with their parents that could be understandable. But me? Noooooooo. This was inspired by conversations with my know-it-all stuffed animal, Little Foot (from Land Before Time).

I Called for Your Two Cents, but I Got Ten

I called for your two cents
You’re smart and your advice makes sense
But now we’re twenty minutes in and I can’t help but wince

I laid out my problem nice and clear
Even telling the parts that make it clear I’m no dear
And you listened without judgment, allaying my worry and fear

You asked some questions for clarification
And you “hmmm’d” and “umm’d” in consternation
But we got the problem stated clearly, much to my gratification

You voiced a bit of life’s-hard-lessons reason
And threw in some light-hearted stuff to keep it fun
Not to be rude – but let’s get to it, please, say your advice and be done

Oh. Now you’re stating the obvious
And re-stating the facts is good, but in all fairness,
I’m afraid I’ll soon be tactless, vicious and ruthless

Why did I call you to get your advice?
I already had a plan, and my plan will suffice
You’re going to go from ‘sure I’ll help’ to ‘now, that wasn’t nice’

‘I know … yeah … yeah … I know … I know’
How tightly clenched can my jaw go?
Count to ten, self, find your inner calm and just … breathe … slow …

Finally, your thoughts are laid out there
Said with lots of thought and care
While my look burns a hole at whatever I fix my stare

I’m sorry, yes, thank you, you’re right
But remember – personal problems are heavy, another person’s are light
And I may appreciate your words when the problem’s end is in sight

I called for your two cents, but I got ten
Now I’ve got my original problem, plus a side of aggravation
But you know what – I’ll still be calling you again

On a personal note: Thanks mom (for reading the haikus and the compliment) and cousin G Pat (for being awesome)!

Comments on: "De Jour of the Week (4/21/10)" (1)

  1. See, now that’s why I cut all ties with people and civilization in general. No problems, no need to call anyone for advice.

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