The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Racing Piglets

(note: I took this picture at the Texas State Fair. The pigs had names like ‘Jean Claude van Ham.’)

Had a dream about you last night.

Rates the opposite sex as either: ‘me-ow’ or ‘woof.’

Hey, it’s been real. You know, it’s been fun too. It’s been real … fun …

Own leather pants. I mean … come on … how hysterical is that?

Oh gag me. Just ulghhh. Blehhhh. Blech!

Prize Winning Cow

Would sell his soul to the devil for … you guessed it … a ham sandwich.

Says things that are accidentally funny all the time.

In high school was in a crappy band called “band-wagon.”

Wrote an autobiography of himself and called it My Sparknotes. In the ‘motif’ section he has, “rejection, loneliness, massive amounts of ice cream.”

Calls himself “Rudy, but for chess instead of football.” If you think about it, that’s pretty self-insulting – because Rudy was too small for football, and it’s not your physical size that matters for chess.

Black Panther

Doesn’t understand why contractions mean don’t and won’t, but it also means frightening things for pregnant women.

OMFG!!!! Oh wait, sorry, thought you were someone else.

If pressed, would guess that Paula Deen is 57% butter.

Is very fast to correct you if you say “Barnes & Nobles.” It’s, apparently, “Barnes & Noble.”

Took a break from working to write a lovely note to his girlfriend. Unfortunately, because he’d just been coding in C++, started the comment with ‘//.’


Favorite pick-up line is: “Join now and save 10%.”

Is looking down on you right now.

Feels like there probably is a Heaven and Hell. But worries he won’t get into either.

Simply can NOT believe … about whatever stupid latest celebrity news is.

Likes the crusts cut off, thank you very much.

Comments on: "Animal Facts! (Racing Piglets, Prize Winning Cow, Black Panther, Parrot)" (1)

  1. That Rudy line is one of the saddest things I’ve ever read. Now I just feel bad for the prize winning cow.

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