The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Over this past weekend I flew home because of the extended Memorial Day weekend. It was great to get to spend four nights in Arizona with the family.

We headed to northern Arizona, to spend time at a family cabin in the woods. It’s very beautiful there. While my parents, brother, and sister normally endure 100+ degree summer temperatures – the cabin has 70s and 80s. It is heavenly. Plus it just plain smells nice.

The crew at the cabin for the weekend was: myself, E$, my bro, sister-in-law, their FIVE kids, and my parents. It would be a relaxing weekend if not for the number five.

Here are a few highlights from the weekend (I will leave the infamous nephew’s name off).

Luxurious Armpit Pillow

Originally, the brotha-in-law was supposed to come up. Unfortunately, work reached out its evil paw and kept him in its clutches. The sleeping arrangements were then revised accordingly. I no longer had to sleep on the couch. Instead, my sister and I would be sleeping in a king bed together (I created a wall of pillows and said DO NOT CROSS – I’m a sweetheart). E$ and I taking this bed moved my brother and sis-in-law to another bedroom. No biggie.

That is, until about 3 am.

At 3 am the door to E$ and I’s bedroom started to open. You really have to work at the door. It creaks like a song in remix mode. Ree-ree-ree-ree *opened.* This woke me up. I heard a little noise (my sister guessed the poor little kid was crying) and then tiny hands moving along the bed. All the sudden the kid was up and crawling on me. I responded, in a loving voice, “which one are you?” The kid didn’t say a word! I would’ve thought that someone saying, “which one are you?” would be an upsetting question but the kiddo was unfazed (E$ aptly pointed out later that she could very well see our brother asking the exact same question).

My follow-up question was shock, “are you already asleep!?” That is just plain impressive. This kid had walked around, crawled up on me, stuck his head in my armpit (it apparently makes a heck of a pillow) and boom he was out.

E$ and I were wide awake. She decided to head to the bathroom. When she got back I figured I’d do the same. I tried to very gently roll the sleeping prince of unawareness off of me. It took. Phew! I got up and then a sad little voice, “daddy! … don’t go!?” Awww. Adorable right?

“All right, let’s take you back to your proper owner.”

The kid was returned to the parental units and sleep was soon restored.

He’ll be a Private Eye Someday (ya know, a dick)

Unfortunately this happened while I was outside talking to a friend on the phone – but it’s too good not to relay on.

The same prince of unawareness from the night before was in the little boys room. The door, of course, wide open.

His older brother asked about his whereabouts and the kiddo responded, “I’m in the bathroom!”

A minute or two later the kiddo yells out, with some concern, “you guys …. I can’t find my penis …”

Yep. That was said.

My mom offered to take the baby from my brother so he could go help a brotha out. He politely declined, choosing to let time heal all wounds. Thankfully it worked. Another minute or two passed and,

“Nevermind! … I found it …”

The youth of America, ladies and gentlemen.

Comments on: "Memorial Day Weekend Hyjinks" (1)

  1. Losing one’s penis would be terrifying. Poor kid.

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