The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Today I went to the dentist (it was a successful visit). She was wearing a shirt that said, “I’d rather be a dentist than a proctologist.” I thought that was pretty clever.

And yet, dentistry has a high rate of suicide. How can that be? If you can’t handle the tooth, don’t read on.

No I’m just kidding, I have no insights – I just wanted to make that joke. Really, I’m wondering why proctology and dentistry aren’t swapped as far as suicide. Sure, halitosis is bad, but even if someone’s breath smells like ass that is LITERALLY what proctologists are dealing with.

Do proctologists have scented surgical masks? If so, why don’t they share the technological insight with dentists? Is there a secret dentist-proctologist battle going on? If so, can I please be a writer for a TV show about it?

Furthermore, I think it’s socially acceptable for smart people to talk to themselves while working. Think about it. If you’re watching a movie about some genius hacker, and while working by him or herself the person makes little jokes, “oh you’re downgrading the mainframe? Clever, but not clever enough!” no one thinks, “well, that’s a sign of insanity.” No! They think, “dang he must really be smart if he’s kinda nuts.”

When my dentist is looking at my teeth she says things out loud that are nominally for my benefit but since I have no idea what she’s seeing (or how she comes to the conclusions she’s come to) she’s really just talking to herself. “Oh, look at that … Ok, great … Hmm, slight crack.” Then, to the hygienist, “make a note to look at K9.”

Which brings me to my punchline. If other smart people are allowed to talk to themselves while at work, why not proctologists? Can you imagine a more stress-reducing thing than to have some patient you hate, in front of you in the most humiliating way, and then to say outloud, “ok, ass hole …”

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Comments on: "Dear Dentists (and Proctologists)" (2)

  1. I think some of your lingo dentists use could also be used by proctologists. “Hmm, slight crack.”

    Really funny post.

    • Haha that’s a good point, episode two of the TV show could have them sharing jokes they think up for each other. It’s an instant TV classic.

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