The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

My Zombie Roomy (2/12/13)

I followed the Zombie and ended up being discovered spying on him. I was really embarrassed, and actually pretty confident I was going to be ripped to shreds and devoured. (The fear of being eaten was a more pressing concern than the embarrassment … And I actually wondered briefly if blushing made me look more edible … Like some human form of a pig with an apple in its mouth? Is that supposed to make pigs look delicious? I don’t really get it, actually.)

Anywho, the Zombie met up with four buddies in a wooded area behind my apartment. Kudos, also, to them leading me to discover a pretty cool tree fort! Kids around this area really have some ingenuity!

Before I was discovered here’s what I saw:

The Zombie arrived and two of the others were already there. They didn’t really greet each other in any way I could notice. Each of them just stood by a tree. It’s a little clump of trees that is close together. The third was walking up and ran across me. You’d think I would’ve heard the shuffling of a zombie tromping through the woods but this guy was actually really sneaky. Not at all representative of the zombie stereotype.

The guy who stumbled across me grabbed me and I was willingly dragged into the meeting. I made a quick decision to rely on the Zombie’s friendship rather than try to run. It was an analytical, and very scientific process that led me to this decision. Also, that sneaky zombie pantsed me.

That’s right. He pantsed me.

He managed to sneak up on me, pantsed me, and then started walking me forward. My running shorts have an elastic band so it was an easy and very smart play on the part of this zombie. I figured he must be the brains of the operation. If I had bolted I would’ve tripped and given this jock a-hole zombie reason to start feasting on me. Then the Zombie and the other unknown zombie would’ve come up and joined in and before you know it … no more blog, just a twitter account that randomly sends out “#brains?”

The zombie leading me pushed me into the center of the cluster of trees and the fourth zombie was walking up at that point. He looked like he was ready to start his snack time. I realized then that the zombie was a lady, and I had a weird thought flash before my mind – would I rather be eaten by a lady or male zombie? I tucked this away for analysis, potential sexual-crisis ramifications, and self-mockery.

There I was (I had pulled my shorts up thank you) surrounded by five zombies.

Hey, sorry, a friend just texted about ice cream … More later!

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Comments on: "My Zombie Roomy (2/12/13)" (1)

  1. That’s one heck of a smart zombie. Possibly a hybrid? Can’t wait for the next thrilling installment.

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