Hey what’s going on? I noticed you’re looking at stuff in Target, you pregnant or something? I just ask cause they sell kids’ clothes here.
Oh and speaking of pregnant – you want me to help you announce to your friends and family that you might be pregnant?
Look, I know you said you’re not pregnant … But let’s be honest, you might be.
We can do this a bunch of ways, and I will help you make this a memorable announcement for as little as ten dollars. No more than one hundred – and for that price you start the video and say, “I have a big announcement everyone” all like happy or whatever, and then I walk in from a different room just wearing a diaper and maybe like one of those hats babies wear … And I say like “wah way mother f-” and then a microwave beeps or something so it’s like my cussing is edited. Or I can cuss. Whatever. That’s like the premier package.
I disagree, I don’t think you need to call security.
Listen for ten ten bucks, we call that the premiere package, you just announce it all nice like and I just sit off behind you a few feet back and make non-stop eye contact with the camera like the camera is flirting with me and I’m like ya whaddup camera I see your game and it’s love love baby.
No, what? Excuse me officer, did you hear what I just said? I said a tennis reference. That’s. A. Tennis. Reference.
All right. I get it, I’ll leave. Hit me up on twitter, @preggarsman, remember ten to one hundred and your friends and family will love you more.