The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

October Haiku

October 1 (Sunday)
Flag. Definition:
Object. Represents nation.
Flag equals troops? NOPE.

October 2 (Monday)
New scars for U.S.
Do we pause, and examine?
Pres: too soon to think

October 3 (Tuesday)
Listen, when I hunt,
I need to kill 40 deer
In 5 seconds, K?

October 4 (Wednesday)
What a baseball game
Happy for the Diamondbacks
Happy for baseball

October 5 (Thursday)
Work status this week
Brain? Semi-check. Coffee? Check.
Staring dumbly? Check.

October 6 (Friday)
Sorry to the songs
I butcher, and change words
For diaper changes

October 7 (Saturday)
Woken up from nap
For a Home Depot errand
Hi, I’m clichè dad

October 8 (Sunday)
The flies where I live
Are awful this time of year
I need you Mickey!!

October 9 (Monday)
Oh, hi there Monday
You beautiful old hussy
Wait, what? What’s that mean?

October 10 (Tuesday)
Prepped for flu season
Flu shot? Nah. I watch people
And lick the sick ones

October 11 (Wednesday)
Cuddle time with son
Deep sleep. Ten second cry. Sleep.
Boy: you confuse me

October 12 (Thursday)
Does the Navy test
Each sailors sassy levels?
If not, they oughta

October 13 (Friday)
Son was due today
He’ll be chronically early
Based on his birth date

October 14 (Saturday)
Jose Altuve
Whose strike zone is the size of
A watermelon

October 15 (Sunday)
Dance walking the house
Is my watch tracking these steps?
If not, that is harsh

October 16 (Monday)
Tip for making friends:
Drop ice when you leave a room
Then folks know you’re cool

October 17 (Tuesday)
Life goal eighty-six:
Work with group, all named Bambi
Start emails: ‘Deer Team’

October 18 (Wednesday)
Nicknames for the kid:
Little chunk, bun bun, monster
Will he learn his name?

October 19 (Thursday)
My brother’s birthday
He’s 40! Nuts! And, oddly,
That makes me feel old

October 20 (Friday)
My wife’s grandparents
In town to see the kiddo
Oh, and us, I guess

October 21 (Saturday)
Watching Astros plus
Cuddling with the baby:
Happy grandparents

October 22 (Sunday)
Waking from a nap
As though I was tranquilized
How very restful?

October 23 (Monday)
One day I’ll look back
And think: what happened this day?
And I’ll draw a blank

October 24 (Tuesday)
Will I reach an age
Where I don’t need to stroll through
A store’s toy aisle

October 25 (Wednesday)
In case you forgot
Donald Trump is still garbage
Making US worse

October 26 (Thursday)
“Bottom of the …” *boop*
“Bases are …” *boop* oh hi!! *boop*
(Baseball with the kid)

October 27 (Friday)
Had some friends over
Made vegetarian food
aka a snack

October 28 (Saturday)
Weekend! My old friend!
Oh, hey kiddo, what do you need?
Ah, constant movement.

October 29 (Sunday)
Went to a friend’s ranch
Made friends with some buffalo
It was a good day

October 30 (Monday)
Manafort’s defense:
“You said ‘illegal?’ I thought
“You said ‘ill legal!'”

October 31 (Tuesday)
Kid’s first Halloween
I dressed as a slutty dad
Wore sexy spit-up

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