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Emergency Plan

Ok kids, it’s paranoid Uncle Weirdo here with some unasked for and likely unlistened to advice.

And yet, here I go anyway.

If cells or landlines stopped working … where would you meet your spouse or loved ones? Who would pick up the kids or pets? Of course, in any kind of emergency, you would just call – but that could potentially not be an option. A default location (or, better yet, several) is easy to come up with, and it would prove incredibly necessary in the event of an emergency situation.

Here’s how I got on this kick.

Recently I was driving to get the kiddo a wonderfully long nap. While I do this I enjoy the sights of my town, and listen to NPR. I listen to NPR because a, I’m a commie, and b, they have a pretty reliable relaxed tone that doesn’t shift dramatically. If I listen to music, you never know what’ll come next on the radio.

The program I listened to on this particular drive was about the northern California wildfires last year and it was heartbreaking. A story about a man, a father and husband, running into a cop and being told he couldn’t travel up the hill toward his family. When the fire fighters eventually got there the man’s wife was ok, his son was dead, and his daughter was hospitalized (only to die later).

There were a number of ways the protocol for dealing with the fast-moving fire seemed to fail (in my opinion) and one interesting thing to note, which is a new problem, is the lack of landlines. Some systems are set to call all the local landlines to warn you of events, but if you are like me … that woudln’t do much good.

And what happens if there is a terrorist attack that targets cell towers? Or a series of unfortunate events that knocks one, or enough out, to render your cell essentially useless? It’s not outside the realm of possibility that such a thing could happen accidentally (e.g. fast moving fires), and it could CERTAINLY be a deliberate target.

So. Do like me. Form your emergency non-communication plan.

If you can’t reach whatever parties, establish your rendezvous points. Pick a specific address and make that destination 1. Can’t make it to destination 1? Go to designated destination 2. Etc. I picked out a spot to the north, south, east, and west. Then I did a quick map search to see that, if our kid is at daycare, and I’m at work, and my wife is at work, given each designated destination, who should pick him up?

If we are going to the spot in the north, she will pick him up. If south, I will pick him up. Etc.

And, speaking now as someone who likes clear instructions … Make it obvious. Leave no room for doubt. Write the instructions as though a 5 year old had to follow them because if you ever actually need them, it will be a time where you don’t want to expend a single bit of energy attempting to interpret something or make deductions.

Take 10 minutes, use your favorite search engine to pick out 4 locations, and then email those to the people you will rendezvous with. (If you want to be real paranoid you would save them to your phone outside of email in case your email becomes inaccessible.)

 

P.S. It’s funny to me to think about the fact that this is a blog post. I have posted a LOT of dumb things, and now I’m posting this? What’s happened to me?

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How Old Am I?

I have a series of facts, and each one will make me older.

  • Recently I was at one of my favorite stores, Costco.
  • I was browsing the clothing section of Costco.
  • I noticed a pair of jeans, AND they had my size! I decided to buy them.
  • I took the jeans home, tried them on, they fit well.
  • I bought a second pair of the exact same jeans. From Costco.
  • And, honestly, I wouldn’t mind a third pair. (Jeans that fit me well are a rare breed.)

17w1217-membership-card-gold-star

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Slight Improvements

When I was going to start first grade my family moved from Korea to Alaska. The school was close enough to my home that I would walk to school every day (including when it reached -60 degrees out, I was just bundled up to a point that I could hardly move).

The first winter there we also happened to have record snowfall. It was crazy. People had to come shovel your ROOF for fear that the weight of the snow might cause damage. That’s a lot of snow.

Every school day I followed the same path. I’d go out our front door, cut across a field and then be on a sidewalk until I had to cross the street directly across from the school.

After the initial big snowfall I walked to school happy and charmed by the snow. Stomping along happily through the snow and taking it all in. This was a mistake. Because then more snow came along, and more snow, and more snow. The snow was deep enough that trying to walk through it would lead to thighs of steel, and/or a boot lost when your leg sinks into the deep snow and you wiggle your leg around until it finally pops out but whoops … no boot. This meant every day that winter was a reminder – I took some awfully big, goofy steps that first snowy day! By tracing the same steps every day I was able to keep cutting across the field, and avoid sinking into the snow. But unfortunately, my steps were hard to follow.

The next winter I had learned my lesson. After the first big snowfall I didn’t lift my feet at all, shuffling through the snow all the way to school. I created a nice, easily walkable path across that field.

This winter, confronted by snow again, I have also made some slight improvements.IMG_20180202_073547663

I shovel the front porch because otherwise ice is liable to form there, and it’s no fun to walk on snow or ice in your slippers. With a clear porch I can let the dog out in slippers no problem.

And I shovel a bit of the grass because our dog is a dope, and she will wander aimlessly for a while if she sees no grass to pee on. Eventually she gives up and picks a random spot. But it’s easier if I have what I affectionately refer to as the ‘pee patch.’ If this spring that grass is dead, I’ll know the dog is overdue for a visit to the vet.

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