The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Du Jour of the Week’ Category

Tough Interview Questions (and Their Answers!)

Recently I did some interviewing and some questions I encountered would brutally tough. Thankfully I’ve got an inside scoop and I was able to find out the answers, so here they are.

Good luck with your upcoming interviews! With these in mind, I know you’ll do great.

Q: what is the biggest difference between you and a star fish?

You might be tempted to talk about how you’re more proactive, or how you are more flexible, but no – the correct answer is that unlike a starfish, children would not be excited to stumble upon your dead body washed up onto the shore.

Q: Can you tell me five things wrong with this picture? (And then they show you a headshot of Danny Devito.)

You could probably talk about a LOT of things when it comes to Danny Devito but don’t be fooled, this is a trick question. The correct answer is to say no quietly, and then look at the lead interviewer and say, “but I can tell you five things wrong with THIS picture.” (Then wave your arms about to indicate a society that is so judgmental.)

Q: You’ve got a triangle, a square, a rhombus and thirty seconds to live, what’s your favorite color?

This is a classic example of too much information in a question and you are forced to focus on only the details that matter. In this case, it’s the fact that you only have thirty seconds to live. Ideally you will FLIP. OUT. I would strongly encourage standing up, flipping your chair, and if you can get yourself to sob uncontrollably, now is the time to do that.

Trust me folks, follow my advice here, extrapolate these generic questions into any question you get, and you’re practically guaranteed a new job!

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Might I Suggest a Pairing …?

For your three your old, the green beans and chicken fingers would go absolutely perfectly with a “….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” while kicking the table and crying hysterically.

For your six year old, a pouting face, a look of absolute hatred, death, loathing and never ending spite would pair delightfully with a vegetable pot pie.

And for your thirteen year old, just being in public pairs in just the most divine manner with … anything.

Oh … Oh I see. For the adults. You want to know WINE, W-I-N-E. I see. Well, I don’t know. I don’t even work here.

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How To Get Ahead in Business

Coffee in hand, surly look firmly planted on your face, and attire that could only be described as “decent” – you are the model employee. You sit down at your desk, log in to your computer, and much to your vexation, you’ve got too many emails and too little time.

You open one up, it’s something corporate and mundane looking. Glancing through it quickly you see that this email doesn’t apply to you … Who are these people? You take a quick gander at the list of people this was sent to, a bunch of names and distribution lists you don’t know.

Suddenly a stream of emails is appearing before your very eyes – all of them with the same subject – boom there’s another!, boom another! – what IS THIS CORPORATE MADNESS!?

You open each one, trying to keep up with the rate at which they are arriving, “please take me off this distribution list” … “please remove” … “wrong Joe Somebody” … “I don’t think this was intended for me.” Why are these people replying all? Don’t they know it’s got a mass distribution?

You get up and go to a co-worker’s desk and before you can ask the question you’ve got your answer, “you seeing all these morons replying all? There goes another.”

AND THEN.

With the confidence and bravado only a simpleton could have, email after email arrive telling everyone ELSE “quit hitting reply all.” Mind you, these emails blasting the idea of reply all were, in fact, sent to all. Some are gentle, reminding you that not everyone cares, others are condescending, informing you that reply all is for n00bs.

And so we come back to Corporate Cathy. Sitting in her office, pen in hand, legal paper on her desk. Taking down name after name. Someone from another room calls out, “Cathy … I just don’t know how we’re going to get rid of another four hundred people. EVERYONE is important! Everyone is essential! Everyone brings so much value, and talent, and …”

Cathy cuts him off, “nah, I’ve got forty people and the list is growing.”

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