The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘children’

Might I Suggest a Pairing …?

For your three your old, the green beans and chicken fingers would go absolutely perfectly with a “….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” while kicking the table and crying hysterically.

For your six year old, a pouting face, a look of absolute hatred, death, loathing and never ending spite would pair delightfully with a vegetable pot pie.

And for your thirteen year old, just being in public pairs in just the most divine manner with … anything.

Oh … Oh I see. For the adults. You want to know WINE, W-I-N-E. I see. Well, I don’t know. I don’t even work here.

Attn: Ellen (3/19/14)



Back (apologies for my handwriting!)


The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Sometimes when I am doing something “cool” or at a “cool” event (like SxSW) I think of my future potential children and how maybe one day they’ll stumble on some pictures of their old man and think, “woah! Dad used to look so young … And like, do stuff!”

Unfortunately for this scenario it means I need to stop making goofy faces in pictures and that’s not likely.

Sorry potential kids, your old man is a dork. (If you’re reading this, just know that every time you tease me I will make a math joke in front of your friends.)


Why am I doing this?

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