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Other Things God Tried Before the Silent Treatment

God, who is currently undergoing the longest known example of ‘the silent treatment,’ tried other things to get humanity’s attention first:

  • Calling, but hanging up before humanity could answer, then waiting for humanity to call back
  • Saying ‘what?’ and then when humanity responds ‘…what’, God says with annoyance, ‘oh, I thought you said something’ and then there’s a silence that’s even heavier than what it was before the exchange
  • Sighing really loudly while deliberately not looking at humanity
  • Having one of God’s friends call humanity and say, ‘hey what’s your deal? Why are you being so rude to God?’
  • Being super sweet to humanity and then when humanity does the slightest thing wrong getting even angrier

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Rich Baby

The other day I met what has to be one of the richest women ever. She was talking to her baby about this food she’d just bought for her baby. Designer label food! Gerbers is apparently not good enough for them, noooo. They have something made by a fancy label. But, I have to admit, with how adamantly she was talking about it, I’m really curious what this “Gucci Goo” tastes like.

He’ll also eat crushed up diamonds.

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Meg and Tom

Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan have a history of movies where romance is found via new or non-traditional means … Telephone and letters (Sleepless in Seattle), email (You’ve Got Mail), and sea voyage to suicide (Joe Versus the Volcano).

As they get older what new romantic comedies starring these two will there be? Obviously the films will need to continue the tradition of romance blossoming due to something odd, preferably with modern technology. But what will it be next time?

#SingleAndTrending

That’s right! #SingleAndTrending‘s coming this winter to a theater near you!

Meet Dave, a 50-something with a divorce/deceased spouse/some traditional explanation of him having a child. Dave is visiting his daughter in hip Austin, Texas and she explains to him what Instagram is all about!

“Dad, it’s like … You just post what you’re doing!”

What follows is a comical montage of a really boring Instagram account with absurdly long and dumb hashtags! With just enough mild daring your grandma will say “ooh!” while laughing.

And meet Gal, a 50-something woman who’s just discovered her husband is having an affair! With a younger woman!! And they met on twitter!!! Ahhhh!!!!

Gal decides to join Instagram as a form of … self-therapy? I don’t know. Someone should work that plot point out.

Gal and, what was the guy’s name?, Dave?, end up unknowingly being the only two people to use the same verbose and over-the-top-odd hashtags that lead to … Love.

#YouKnowThatThingWhereYouWakeUpAndYouHaveToPeeAndSoYouJustPeeInABucketYouKeepBesideTheBed? #JustKidding

Can you imagine? That’s the #hashtag that started it all! I guess you could say Dave and Gal were … #SingleAndTrending.

Make sure you’re trending this winter by seeing this future Meg and Tom classic!

Heck, if they used the same studio, they could just re-use an old poster with a little photoshop magic? (I picked Joe Versus the Volcano as Meg Ryan is at the top of her game in this flick.)

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