The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘food’

Eat Like a One Year Old

I’ve got an idea for a restaurant which would fail miserably … but oh what fun in the one month it’d be open.

The idea is customers eat like one year olds.

You walk in, the host or hostess shows you to your seat and then around comes your waiter or waitress. This is where the fun begins. As a customer you don’t need to say a WORD. Nothing. You can, if you want, you can say just one word over and over while looking at any and everything. Or you can just make noises. Or be silent. Whatever.

You are the 1 year old customer, and it’s up to you.

Over the course of the next however long you want you will sample, spit out, make weird faces, make noises, look with disgust and horror at your waiter/waitress when they guess wrong at what you want.

It’ll be grand.

The waiter/waitress will run to/from the kitchen, over and over, bringing you small samples of a really weird variety of foods, and you’ll happily eat four bites and then NO, I DO NOT WANT … ok, one more bite WAIT NO. I DO NOT WANT.

Be as difficult and crazy as you want as you eat a seventeen course meal, where each course is comprised of just a few bites.

Tip will be automatically included in your bill, because the wait staff deserve it.

Attn: Ellen (6/28/17)

Front

Ellen314a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen314b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Over the course of my life I have discovered a lot of hairs in my food … And yet … Each time I react the same: shock, horror, feelings of betrayal, maybe a quick “AHH!!!”

Please advise.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Rich Baby

The other day I met what has to be one of the richest women ever. She was talking to her baby about this food she’d just bought for her baby. Designer label food! Gerbers is apparently not good enough for them, noooo. They have something made by a fancy label. But, I have to admit, with how adamantly she was talking about it, I’m really curious what this “Gucci Goo” tastes like.

He’ll also eat crushed up diamonds.

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