The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Dynamo Ginger

A couple months ago my friends and I saw the opening day Dynamo game at their new stadium. It was a lot of fun. I sat by my buddy Juicebox, and we made fun of people. That was a lot of fun, also.

One of the people we made fun of was a red head who plays for the Dynamo. His name is Andre Hainault.

Why would we do this? Well, we’re punks. Here are some of the jokes I remember us making.
Dynamo Andre Hainault 1 – “If I score a goal I’ll get a kiss! From a REAL GIRL!!”

2 – How can he play soccer? Shouldn’t he have to go to the sidelines every 10 minutes to put on more sunblock?

3 – Not a bad play from the Ginger … Red Head Redemption. Heyooo!

4 – Wow, he chased the ball down pretty well there. Maybe someone told him there’s a long sleeve shirt inside it.

5 – Ahhh! Oh … sorry, it’s the ginger.

6 – He just Ron Weasley’d out of that bad spot … huh? HUH!?

7 – “My mom said she’s going to let me have TWO puddings if we win!!!”

The jokes were dumb, and really I have no problem with red heads. Obligatory line like I’ve just made a potentially racist joke: These jokes aren’t offensive, come on, I’m friends with red heads. I’m related to a red head. Honest. I am.

Hugs?Andre Hainault Houston Dynamo

Australia pretty picture

 

Australia pretty road trip

 

Australia pretty road trip

 

Australia pretty road trip twelve apostles

 

Australia pretty road trip

What? What is this? A soda for me? Really? I was just kidding when I walked up and said, “hey why don’t you go grab me a Coke.” But you actually went and got one? Why are you being nice to me? I was kidding. Wait you’re apologizing now for being nice to me? What’s your problem? And you’re letting me berate you for being kind to me? What is happening here? Why are you so nice? I don’t deserve this, I barely know you! What’s your problem? DANG IT I’m chewing you out again and – QUIT apologizing! GAH.

***

I dedicate this little internal monologue of crazy to my friend Katie (who had her birthday this week). In high school one day I went to a football game with some friends. At the game we met up with some of their friends who I had never met. One of them was a girl named Katie. She, if I remember right, said she was going to grab something. I said, being a smart … alec … something like, “hey grab me a coke and a hot dog would you?” I said this because I fully expected her to say, “yeah sure” but in that way where you know that she will definitely not do anything before you because – hey, who are you?

 

Instead she said sure very nicely. I was baffled. Why is someone who is essentially a stranger being so nice to me? This doesn’t make sense. So, suave gentleman that I am, I said, “really? why would you do that?” in a sort of ‘what’s wrong with you’ tone.

 

I play the role of a punk little brother pretty often. I make dumb jokes, I say things that I expect will be ignored or received with a sarcastic response. Genuinely nice people throw me off.

 

Sometimes it’s a wonder I have friends.

 

Anywho, happy birthday to Katie! A genuinely nice person! (Which is far too rare.)