The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘talk’

De Jour of the Week (1/20/10)


There will be more of these … later.

Just so you know, future me (i.e. the person who will find this most interesting and I’m writing this to remember it), I saw a few apartments today in Houston. One of them bordered a wildlife preserve. While taking the tour we went up to the fence – separating the apartments from the preserve – and there was a wild hog hanging out. Why wouldn’t there be?

A bit later my mom and I were driving around and we saw a sign that said, “Don’t Feed the Alligators – $500 fine.”

Oh boy!

If Tones Could Talk – Anger

Oh what have I just said
The room is suddenly ice, I’m dead.

Whatever I said wrong, I was joking
I take it back! I call my right to revoking.

You’ve just said my name, and slowwwwwlyyyyy
And now you’re staring past me/at me/through me.

That tone was all things threatening
My collar I’m loosening
My hands are sweating
My nervous laugh is too nervous to laugh, it’s gone into hiding
My lips I’m biting
My … my … my you’re intimidating.

Maybe you want dinner? Flowers? Candy?
(I’m looking around you to make sure there’s nothing heavy and throwable handy.)

My what a powerful word my name can be
When you say it so delicately/angrily/slowly.

I’m supposed to respond
You’re waiting for me to respond
Ok. Here we go. I’m going to respond.

“Um …”
Well, that was dumb.

It's Time to Talk

“Hey Dad, whatcha doing?”

Look at him, sitting on the couch, watching football. It’s like he’s not different at all – but I know better.

“Not much, watching football.”

Oh Dad, what’s happened to you?

“That’s cool. Oh, Arizona-Arizona State, huh? Good game?”

Maybe I should talk to him later? He’s busy. I should talk to him later.

“Uh huh.”

No! Talk to him now! You need to help him!

“So how’s work going and all that?”

Come on, quit beating around the bush and do this!


Ok. Here we go. Just like the commercials say to do.

“Dad. Does anyone you know at work take drugs?”

He’s giving me a look – just ignore it. You need to help him.

“Um. A lot of guys take drugs for cholesterol, some for their hearts, a lot of various ones for pain … Probably some others.”

My God. He’s surrounded by these bad influences. I’m afraid to ask.

“… Do … you … take any drugs, Dad?”

Why hadn’t I seen that commercial before! I would’ve talked to my Dad when he was still in his forties if I’d known it’d help keep him off drugs!

“Well, yeah. I take stuff for pain in my back and shoulders, not every day though. And also for cholesterol.”

Why! Whyyyyyy!

“Does that … help you? Does it make you feel better … Dad?”

Wait – he said he doesn’t take pain killers every day, I may not be too late!

“Oh yeah, I definitely need them.”

Keep strong, keep strong.

“Why, Dad, why?”

I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe it.

“Why do I take the drugs? Well, lots of reasons, but I started because the doctor said I should.”

Oh, God! The doctor’s a pusher! I should’ve known! Who else is involved with this terrible scheme!

“Well Dad, -”

“Actually my bosses all take the exact same drugs as I do. Kinda funny.”

So this is a popularity thing? That’s why, Dad? To be liked!

“Ok, Dad.”

What am I supposed to do?

I can’t believe this. I can’t win against these odds. The commercials, the bandwagon-ism of it all, the perceived need!

I’m too stressed – I’m going to go get high.

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