The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘bike’

Adventures in Colorado-ing

My wife and I are the proud new owners of fancy bicycles. This is a big step towards us being classic Coloradoans.

My new bike is fancy, and expensive (in my mind – to a true bicyclist, it’s on the lower end). But it is MUCH nicer than my last bike, which was one of Wal-Mart’s finer road bike offerings.

While at the bike shop the guy helping us/selling us on all things biking would occasionally throw out some bike lingo. We would nod before realizing what he just said was gibberish as far as we know.

“Yeah and it’s good to have a spare tube in case you run over some goat heads and get a flat.”

I laughed because this guy clearly has a delightfully weird sense of humor. But wait, no, he wasn’t joking. Are there a lot of goat head skeletons around here that are pointy and cause flats? That’s a thing? Why doesn’t someone clean them up? Better yet, why are there so many dead goats? Should I be concerned about the dead goat population?


After a bit I asked, “so … what are goat heads?” He laughed and said, “oh let me look it up,” then he began typing into Google and got a little afraid, “… I hope this returns pictures that aren’t …”

But no, it returned a picture of what my wife calls “sticker burrs” and what I call “those thorny things” or just “stickers.”

We took the bikes out for a nice 10 mile ride today and high-fived over the brilliance of bike shorts with pads for the tushes. Ah, comfort.

MS150 – Peoples

Doing what anyone would do in the Texas countryside …

End of day 1! Free beer! Waiting for our 15 minute free massage!


The happiest people at camp (the people on the tables I mean)


Walking to get into the launch line, day 2. This was ~615 am. You could start leaving at 645 am.


The line at ~7 am … we were able to leave sometime between 715 and 730

Dig the shade

This guy is NUTS

Obligatory finish-line photo (cropped at the waist because when I raised my arms my belly showed)

MS150 – Well This Isn’t Good …

My hand is a bit off so I’m not going to do a regular blog post … but I got some very pretty pictures on the big bike ride so I’ll post those for Thursday and Friday! In the mean time, a video that is mostly for myself … to remind my future self to not do a 150 mile bike ride (nah, I may do one again).

MS150 Predictions – Day 2

For day two there are two different routes. One is 77 miles, one is 66. The 76 mile one is supposedly prettier, but hilly. The 66 mile (I have been told) is windier. 

That’s how I picture hills going …

Now for day two predictions for what I’ll be thinking at various mile-markers …

Mile 1 – Oh gosh I am in pain. My sad, sad tushy.

Mile 2- Maybe I should’ve listened to those people who told me I should buy butt cream … but could I ever really buy that?

Mile 7 – Ok. Feeling better. A bit warmed up.

Mile 13 (for this I’ll assume Rainbow Speak and I will be stupid and do the hillier, more challenging ride) – AHHHHHHH!

Mile 14 – Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.

Mile 14.2 – AHHHHHHHHHH!

Mile 14.3 – Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.

Mile 20 – What’s the perfect song to play when all you want to do is lay down, curl up in a ball, cry a little … oh and eat ice cream.

Mile 21 – Oh, duh, THIS SONG.

Mile 30 – I’ve biked over 100 miles! Holy cow! That’s … well … I don’t know what that is. Weird, I guess.

Mile 37 – Could I be any whiter? My name is Brad. I am biking a crapton of miles. I’m wearing a brightly colored jersey and I’ve said “neat!” at least ten times today.

Mile 44 – About thirty miles to go … come onnnnnnn.

Mile 51 – Oh man I am going to sleep so well on the bus ride home.

Mile 52 – Huh. Maybe I should’ve bought a nicer bike.

Mile 59 – Wait how did that child just pass me! That is upsetting. You’re two feet tall! You should be home playing video games you little jerk.

Mile 67 – Hi everyone, this is your captain speaking … on your left you can see some stupid trees and on your right some more hated trees. Oh and have I mentioned I’m SICK OF THIS.

Mile 71 – Is that some of downtown Austin or did a really cool shaped bug just die on my shades?

Mile 75 – Ooh that chick is hot.

Mile 77 – Well well well … I did it … Now someone please just take me to my couch.

MS150 Predictions – Day 1

I wake up and it hits me – I need a girlfriend. Why am I doing a ONE HUNDRED FIFTY MILE BIKE RIDE?! I look at my phone and there’s a text from Rainbow Speak, it simply says: 

Yup, it’s game time. Day one of the BPMS150.

I have been training for this for a while … but the longest bike ride I’ve done is a 2 hour one. One weekend I did a two hour ride on Saturday, and then another on Sunday. Both were maybe 25 miles.

That’s not quite 150 miles.

My friend and I are starting from the easiest starting gate (at the recommendation of the instructors from our class). That means it’s 76 miles the first day.

Here is what the first day looks like in terms of miles …

Now for what I predict my thoughts will be …

Mile 0 – Holy crap holy crap what WHAT WHAT?! There are so many people! So many stupidly bright jerseys!! Good GOD why am I HERE!


Mile 5 – Ok … this isn’t too bad. I think I can do this.

Mile 10 – Daaaaang I’m already at 10 miles! Nice! Not bad at all! I actually enjoy biking!

Mile 11 – Ok what the hell was I thinking I still have like 140 miles to go. This is terrible.

Mile 15 – I already want to take a nap. I can’t be the first one to ask for a break though … I wonder how tired Rainbow Speak is … maybe I should accidentally punch him in the leg.

Mile 24 – Which part of my body doesn’t feel uncomfortable right now? Oh right. None of them.

Mile 27 (if I’m reading that right) – Sweet! Lunch time!

Mile 28 – Ooooof why am I incapable of not shoveling food in my pie hole? It’s gonna be slowwww going.

Mile 40 – I’ve done 40 miles and I’m still not even 1/3rd done. This is impressively upsetting.

Mile 47 – Oh crap I didn’t put on sunblock. I am going to have the dumbest sunburn ever.


Mile 59 – Haha … gams …

Mile 66 – (Singing this song in my head) …

Mile 72 – Oh frick I just swallowed another bug.

Mile 76 – Ok … first day done … I made it … OH YEAH FREE BEER!

(Seriously, there’s free beer at the end of day one!)

MS150 Update

If you remember a while back I posted about signing up for the MS150. I signed up with my buddy, and we have been trying to raise money (we’re required to … and also it’s for a good cause). To this end, we made this incredibly cheesy video. I’m not trying to get you to donate, I just wanted to share the very dorky video.

MS 150

The MS 150 is a 2-day bike ride that I will be attempting in April. I will be biking from Houston to Austin.

Say, is Houston the nickname you gave for your apartment, and Austin the nickname you gave for your next door neighbor’s apartment? No, silly. The real cities in Texas. Why bike between them? Well, it’s simple, I hate myself.

Tomorrow begins the class I am taking to train for this (since I never really bike). I am afraid for my future self. Today I bought bike shorts and I am afraid for anyone who will be near/have to see my future self. Those things hug in all the wrong ways. The padding makes it feel like you are being constantly lightly groped in the weirdest spot.

Here’s the thing though … No matter how confident I am that I will look like an idiot in those things, I give it four weeks at most before I will consider taking a picture of myself in them, and then sending it to a random number. I’m kidding about that part. But how frightening would that be? Maybe attach the phrase, “that’s what I thought” or “don’t disappoint Jerry.” That person would change their number pronto.

When I tell people that I am doing a 2-day bike ride to Austin they ask, “how are you getting back?” That’s when I respond, “with finesse.” And that’s when they stop talking to me. But, sincerely, I really ought to look up how we get back.

Hopefully I’ll encounter pretty things when I ride outside, and hopefully pretty people in class (though I’m pretty sure the class has 9 people and we’re all guys).

Wish me luck!

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