The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Du Jour of the Week’

German Language Committee Meeting

Person 1: Hello, welcome, we will now begin the German Language Committee Meeting.

Person 2: Suggest removal of the chairperson, who wasted time stating the obvious.

Rest of Committee, in unison: Agreed.

Person 1: Respectfully, I agree. I will run this meeting and henceforth not show up. Today’s first word is bagel, which is currently ‘bagel’ in the German language. We want to make this ‘more German.’ Please write down your ideas.

(Committee members write furiously.)

Person 1: Please announce your ideas.

Rest of Committee, in unison: Brotmitlochinmitte! (Which translates literally to, ‘bread with hole in middle.’)

Person 1: Adopted. The next word is cat, which is currently ‘katze’ in German. This has been deemed ‘too weak.’ Please write down your ideas.

(Committee members write furiously.)

Person 1: Please announce your ideas.

administration architecture berlin building

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Committee Member A: My word is kleinerschwacherhund. (Which translates literally to, ‘small weak dog.’)

Committee Member B: My word is einsamepersonhaustier. (Which translates literally to, ‘lonely person pet.’)

Committee Member C: My word is andereshaushaustier. (Which translates literally to, ‘other house pet.’)

Person 1: I propose hundaberohnearbeitoderzuneigung. (Which translates literally to, ‘dog but without the work or affection.)

Person 2: This will be tabled as there is not currently a logical solution.

Person 1: The final word for today’s meeting is one that we have been asked to make less German. The word is ‘Rechtsschutzversicherungsgesellschaften’ and it means insurance companies providing legal protection. Please write down your ideas.

(Committee members write furiously.)

Rest of Committee, in unison: Bedeckedeinenarsch! (Which translates literally to, ‘cover your ass.’)

Person 1: The meeting has concluded.

Source … sorta …

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Du Jour of the Week

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It’s a Trap!

You remember Star Wars? You’ve probably heard of it at some point.

Anyway there was this one Star Wars movie where this guy, we’ll call him Admiral Ackbar, is taking part in an

photo of blue and yellow lighted dome tent surrounded by plants during night time

You’d think I’d be ashamed by this kind of post by now but … nope.

attack on the Empire. It’s a big deal attack, right? Like, tons of rebel guys all gathered up together and said ‘let’s do this’ and so it’s not just some little skirmish.

Anyway Ackbar is on this ship and he has a famous line where he’s in a swivel chair and he swivels around and you see his big, crazy eyes and he yells out ‘It’s a TRAP!’

Big scene. BIG. Scene.

Return of the Jedi was released in 1983, and some companies had managed to get tipped off to some of the plot points in the movie. They were approaching George Lucas left and right, trying to get commercial tie-ins to get in on the burgeoning Star Wars cash cow.

One of the companies that did manage to get through was an outdoor equipment company. They were supposedly THE favorite flannel shirt maker that George Lucas liked. George, loving the idea of some custom flannel shirts from them, created a series of commercials. They did not end up making it to air because the cost was too high … But I can tell you the contents of one of them.

A family is out in the woods, they’ve got two tents set up, a well-built fireplace, a couple of chairs set up, and everyone looks so cozy and happy. Just then, a few rain drops fall. The kids begin to whine about getting wet, the mom worries aloud about cooking dinner without a fire, and the dad looks to the camera and thinks outloud, ‘is there anything we could use to help make the rain less damaging to our camping trip?’

Suddenly Ackbar HIMSELF appears! He descends into the campground on a floating swivel chair and shouts out, ‘It’s a TARP!’

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Du Jour of the Week

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Steffi Graf

Ugh. Just imagine.

There you are, a mathematician. And you’re out at some bar where your friends dragged you (and you were all like, but guys if I wanted to asymptotically approach having a relationship I’d call my parents!!! LOL!!!) and then whoa. Is that? Can it be?

Yeah.

It’s Steffi Graf.

Also for the sake of this story let’s say it’s like 1987, her freaking breakout year.

Anyway she comes up to YOU. Yes, YOU. And she’s like, hey.

And you’re like, woah!, it’s you!, can you sign this?

And she’s like *draws a sin wave*.

HEART EXPLODES. It’s a year later, you’re married. She’s an all star, you’re just a mathematician, right?

Ugh. So lame.

But wait, you’re part of a cutting edge research team. And you’re researching

Simulated
Torque’s
Effective
Parabolic
Heat
Impacts

And you’re graphing the results. Wait, what? Is that the Nobel committee knocking, too?

You’re seriously getting a Nobel for your creation of the STEPHI GRAPH!?!

And you take it home to your wife, Steffi Graph, and you’re like, ‘BABE! LOOK!’

And she’s like, ‘how many times do I have to tell you, my name is spelled with F’s you moron.’

Oh man. Wouldn’t that be the best!?

man old depressed headache

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