The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘star wars’

It’s a Trap!

You remember Star Wars? You’ve probably heard of it at some point.

Anyway there was this one Star Wars movie where this guy, we’ll call him Admiral Ackbar, is taking part in an

photo of blue and yellow lighted dome tent surrounded by plants during night time

You’d think I’d be ashamed by this kind of post by now but … nope.

attack on the Empire. It’s a big deal attack, right? Like, tons of rebel guys all gathered up together and said ‘let’s do this’ and so it’s not just some little skirmish.

Anyway Ackbar is on this ship and he has a famous line where he’s in a swivel chair and he swivels around and you see his big, crazy eyes and he yells out ‘It’s a TRAP!’

Big scene. BIG. Scene.

Return of the Jedi was released in 1983, and some companies had managed to get tipped off to some of the plot points in the movie. They were approaching George Lucas left and right, trying to get commercial tie-ins to get in on the burgeoning Star Wars cash cow.

One of the companies that did manage to get through was an outdoor equipment company. They were supposedly THE favorite flannel shirt maker that George Lucas liked. George, loving the idea of some custom flannel shirts from them, created a series of commercials. They did not end up making it to air because the cost was too high … But I can tell you the contents of one of them.

A family is out in the woods, they’ve got two tents set up, a well-built fireplace, a couple of chairs set up, and everyone looks so cozy and happy. Just then, a few rain drops fall. The kids begin to whine about getting wet, the mom worries aloud about cooking dinner without a fire, and the dad looks to the camera and thinks outloud, ‘is there anything we could use to help make the rain less damaging to our camping trip?’

Suddenly Ackbar HIMSELF appears! He descends into the campground on a floating swivel chair and shouts out, ‘It’s a TARP!’

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Attn: Ellen (11/7/18)

Front

Ellen372a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen372b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

This is one of the more controversial Star Wars comics because the whole Luke Skywalker plot is him dealing with constipation.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

P.S. Not a great read.

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (8/1/18)

Front

Ellen359a

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen359b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I like my son being in my shadow. The sun is just so bright, you know? And sun burn is no joke!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

P.S. Walking with an umbrella or hat also works.

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (6/27/18)

Front

Ellen355a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen355b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Some fictional universes can be wonderful. Places to escape to in your head. Books, movies, and cults – they really create some stunning places.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (4/4/18)

Front

Ellen345a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen345b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

It’s the time of year where we must once again ask ourselves – am I the only one who sensed sexual tension between Vader and R2?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (6/1/16)

Front

Ellen263a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen263b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Here we see Luke getting a classic cold, detached, emotionless hero’s welcome. R2D2 beeps out, “I hope someone brought cheese because I know Luke brought a big ol bag of whine.”

Yes, another classic Star Wars moment!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (3/23/16)

Front

Ellen254a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen254b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I think the creator of the big Chewbacca toy, we’ll call her Susie, had an assignment to make this toy. She spent 3 days on his feet and legs, a day and a half on his chest, arms, and bandoleer … And 15 minutes on that weird, unsettling, creepy head.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

P.S. Don’t even get me started on poor mini-Bacca.

Why am I doing this?

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