friends | DumbFunnery

The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘friends’

Are you an attractive woman home-alone? Here’s how to act!

“Bye husband!”

Oh, it’s so weird being home alone!

I feel like I haven’t been left home alone in the longest time … and not once since we moved to this country estate!

I just love it out here!

All the trees coming up to, practically, our back door.

It’s such a bummer my husband’s flight had to leave at midnight. I don’t know why he wouldn’t let me drive him to the airport.

I feel so … lonely … gosh!

This is so weird.

Maybe if I go put on a tank top and some booty shorts?

No!

I should take a shower first!

Hmm … No, I’ll watch TV.

Oooh!

One of those shows about wanted criminals being on the loose! Did he just say the same very small town that I live in is where – hey! Friends is on too!

Wow!

I’ve never realized how, at night, with all the windows in this family room, and the woods coming all the way up to the back of our house … I’ve never realized you can’t really see the moon!

How depressing!

Whatever!

Did something just move out there?

Why am I still not wearing booty shorts?

That sounded like something scraping at the door?

No – probably just Joey from Friends! He’s so funny!

I should turn the TV on extra loud … I don’t know why … Then go take a shower.

OK!

Volume … UP!

Great!

Did I lock the front door after my dearest husband left?

Hmm … Probably so, no sense in double checking.

It’s so nice living out here in the middle of nowhere! I mean, my husband and I are each in our young twenties and fantastically good looking – me particularly when I wear booty shorts.

Hey ….

Oh my gosh!

Wouldn’t that …

Oh! Yes! I will leave the bathroom door slightly cracked! That will be so exciting! I’ve never done that when I’ve showered before!

OK!

Water’s on …

Nice and hot water – good. Make sure the bathroom window is extra steamy so I won’t be able to see a thing!

There was that scraping noise again at the door!

That Joey!

The water feels so nice!

I feel completely vulnerable now!

How neat!

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Short Short Stories

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Weekly Wacko (46)

Simulated Loner

In high school I bought the video game The Sims. I was very excited about it. It was like my life – except my videogame-self spoke gibberish, and could actually get a girlfriend.
What a blow to my real-self self-esteem.

You start the game with X amount of dollars, which you can use to do whatever you want. Buy a low-end house, or build your own house. I decided to build my own house – excited at this idea.
I built this (relatively) rock-and-roll house, with a pool! That’s when I realized my character had no money leftover to buy, well, much of anything. I bought a toilet.
I had a beautiful house, a lovely pool, and a toilet.
I got a job in the game and made enough money to buy a ladder which allowed me to get in and out of the pool – this served several purposes. I really wanted to swim in that simulated pool, my guy could get buff swimming around, and I didn’t own a shower so I figured this would clean up the poor fella.

After a little while of struggling by sans fridge, couch, TV, shower, bed, etc. (I didn’t even have a chair) – my character began crying randomly.
I was incredibly excited by this discovery.
My character had become depressed!
This cracked me up to no end.

Eventually I abandoned that character. A female interest in the game had come over, and my character started crying. It was almost as intolerable as it was funny.

Character Number Two:
With character number two I built a more modest house, and got some furniture and the basic necessities.
I was surprised to learn you could set fire to your house when cooking on the oven.
Who knew?

Character Number ?:
Eventually I got the hang of the game and my character was advancing along nicely. The game informed me of something though, I needed to make more friends.
The game demanded something like five or six friends which I found unnecessary and rude.
I’m expected to, what, spend my whole night calling various people to maintain friendships?! UNRULY!

When a videogame demands me to have more close friends than I have in real life, that’s when I call it quits. If for no other reason than because it makes me realize how pathetic I am.

*This post was inspired by a long overdue call to JMinnie last night. I am very bad at keeping in touch with people – but beware friends of mine, I’ll be calling you soon!