The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘graduate’

Tips for Recent Grads – Your Big Trip!

Here we go, recent grad, as I stated earlier I will now be throwing unwarranted advice your way. I debated not posting this because it is obvious and who am I to give advice? But, I had written it up and didn’t want to just throw it out (i.e. I didn’t want to write something else), so here we go!

Done with college! Done with dense books! Done with learning!

Ok, maybe not all three of those … But at least for a while two of the three may be very true. And what better way to celebrate than with a big trip? ESPECIALLY a trip overseas!

Turns out, we (U.S.A.! U.S.A.!) aren’t loved nearly as much as we love ourselves. Fret not, my friends. On an individual level, there are a lot of us who are very likable people. As a recent college grad you are, hopefully, somewhat intelligent. Put that big brain to use.

Here is some advice (again, apologies if it is obvious or you already know it, you world-weary wanderer):

1. Get a Toronto Raptors sticker and throw that on your backpack.

2. Get a Toronto Blue Jays sticker and throw that on your backpack.

3. Say please and thank you.

4. Imagine yourself going to a friend’s house. You hang out and watch movies and you end up crashing there. The next morning he/she says, “you want some cereal?” and you happily say yes because of course you want cereal, cereal is delicious.

Your friend says “please help yourself” (note the please) and you get to work. Your friend ends up keeping their silverware and bowls and cereal boxes in the LAST place you check for each item. You started logically, “where would I put the spoons if I lived here …” and eventually you gave up on that approach, blindly checking.

Now, does the confusion in a different setup you’re used make the cereal any less delicious? No, don’t be silly. Does the different setup make you want to say, “wow, this is really weird” (but the way you say weird makes it seem like you’re implying crazy or stupid)? No, because you’re not a jackass.

(Note: For dudes, you may say things like this just to be a jackass … Hopefully you know that you can call yourself and your best friend an idiot, but no one else.)

Ready for the shocking jump in my little analogy?

When you go to a foreign country where the culture is very different from what you are used to … Things may seem weird to you. But they are weird in fascinating ways. Your friend has his or her own logic for the spoons being in the drawer closest to the fridge, while you keep the spoons closest to the bowls.

You may meet some people who are cool with the fact that you’re wide-eyed and bushy-tailed. The world is an amazing place and far too few get to see enough of it. These cool people you meet may understand your fascination and you can ask them, “so why DO you keep the spoons in that drawer instead of that drawer?”

Good luck, globetrotters!

De Jour of the Week (8/30/10)

Super Elite First Tier Gold Status Contributor

I graduated college, and what’s this!, I found a job!
This was great, for I couldn’t be considered a slob.
Yes sir, I’m gainfully employed and corporate now
Look at my nice shoes and ziplocked lunchtime chow.

I’m all set, I’ve got a handle on this adult ‘stuff’
Then in the mail, my school tells me I’m not up to snuff?
“Congratulations, Dear Graduate, you’re quite the lad,
And gainfully employed to boot? We’re all so glad,”

I smiled to myself and thought ‘isn’t this nice,’
While I paused and looked around my cubicle/office,

“Now that you’ve graduated – you should know,”
The letter continued, get ready, here we go,
“For only X dollars a month you’ll have gold status
“And a kindly-worded thank-you note from some professor emeritus.”

‘Well, ok,’ I thought to myself after some time,
‘X dollars a month, I suppose I make good enough dime.’

Some time passed and I got my lovely note
That professor sure knows how to copy-and-paste dote.

“Dear gold status contributor,” a new letter came,
Would you believe I was happy at first (was I insane?),
“You know, you’re great, we love you, you’re perfect, here’s the thing,
“It’s only X dollars a month more for First Tier, so come on and ch-ching!!”

‘Well, since I can give, I’ll give’ my kinder side gently voiced
I thought of scholarships and grants for kids and tears made my eyes moist,

“Dear, dear, lovely, kind, passionate, giving, angelic sir,”
The next letter seemed not just desperate, but desperater
“You’re so close to the next status level … Elite!
“So get the lead out, and to the bank with fleet feet!”

The letter informed me of a potential thanks from so-and-so
And, though I hadn’t heard of him, it seemed too good to say no.

Reader, I’ll tell you, I went wrong somewhere along the line
I’m not saying don’t give money, that’s all fine,
Just be careful when you donate money or help a little bit
A letter here, an email there, a friendly call – they’ll do anything for a hit.

While you may be smart, with an over-flowing brain that’s celebrated
I’ll tell you, if you’re not being manipulated, you’re being re-manipulated.
So listen closely when I tell you this last fact, and don’t listen with callous –
For only x dollars a month you can buy off me my Super Elite First Tier gold status.

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