The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘leopard print’

De Jour of the Week (4/5/10)

Who doesn’t have a love-hate with Wal-Mart?

An Ode to Wal-Mart

Love me tender,
Love me big-spender,
Love me some Wal-Mart in all its splendor.

Someone is blocking the aisle, “excuse me misssss … ter?”
Don’t get me started on that confusing disaster.

So overweight that using the automatic wheelchair causes you to work up a sweat …
It’s almost too pathetic to make fun of … almost, but not yet.

You’re paying for condoms with some food stamps –
Ladies left town and all we have now are tramps.

A personal cell phone call with your apparently deaf friend about cramps, sure, that’s appropriate –
The disgusted ‘this is personal!’ look you give to anyone who unwillingly overhears is what they get!

Your leopard print, skin tight pajama pants are impressive –
The image it’s seared into my brain is oppressive.

Your child is crying, wrecking your A-game with that hunk of burning (STDs) love –
Would you mind handling everything you ever, EVER touch with a latex glove?

‘Born in the USA!’ t-shirt worn with mustard-stained, one-size-too-small, pride –
I’m guessing the truck with a Confederate flag and missing headlight is your ride?

What’s this? A cute sight? A daddy playing with his daughter!
Ew. He just checked out that teenage chick. Just more Wal-Mart fodder.

Your child is wearing a shirt that says, “bitch give me a hot dog” –
Methinks during pregnancy you couldn’t resist the eggnog?

Emaciated, and overweight –
How did you reach a feat so great?
Yes, I love me some Wal-Mart,
It’s near and dear to my heart,
And when we finally decide to do some fix-ups on America it’s a great big beacon of where to start.

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