The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘pizza’

The Porn Industry and the Ever-Increasing Rise of Robot Technology

We’ve got a real dilemma on our hands here, don’t we porn industry?

I am going to be bold and predict that in 10 years all of the major pizza chains, your Papa Johns, your Pizza Huts, your Dominoes, your … other ones? … will no longer be hiring delivery boys or girls. Nope. It’ll be self-driving cars. Your pizza will ACTUALLY show up still hot because the car will be a self-driving, 200 degree pizza toting pal.

Sure, sure, that’s all well and good for the average pizza consuming person but … what about the porn industry?

Are we to expect that extraordinarily desperate and lascivious women are waiting, scandily clad, by their door for the pizza … vehicle?

IMG_20180818_072724578

The pizza of choice for Racist Robots.

I don’t think so.

Car: ‘Pizza for customer … Wanda Bang.’
Women who just dropped her towel: ‘Oh … hi. Self-driving Ford Fiesta. I’ll just take the pizza. Thanks.’

Yes, people are weird. SUPER WEIRD. But how big is the market for girl on truck action? Like, not literally girl ON truck … clearly there is a market for that based on how many rednecks you see with bumper stickers of women on their trucks. No I mean girl on truck as in like … you know … that thing …

I don’t know what to do. Slow down technological progress? Stop it altogether? Pretend delivery boys still exist? New porn ‘plots’?

I’m afraid I don’t have any solutions, but I just wanted to point out the problem and hope the internet hive mind can come up with a brilliant solution.

First Meal

Because of digestion issues that our son has, my wife has willingly sacrificed my primary food group, dairy, and another food that is apparently in everything – soy.

My wife is pretty ok with this, it’s worth it to be able to breastfeed him. If she didn’t drop those two foods we would have to give him some crazy formula. (Normal formula has dairy.)

Sometimes, scratch that, often, she likes to talk about her first meal. This, as opposed to a last meal for a death row inmate, is the first meal she’ll have when she is allowed to eat whatever she wants (most kids outgrow this issue by 1 year old … and regardless of that, he’ll stop breastfeeding at some point).

Pizza. Pizza is always mentioned at the first meal. We made a non-dairy, non-soy pizza. Non-dairy cheese is weird. It doesn’t melt. You throw it in the oven, check 10 minutes later and there it is, just laughing. ‘You thought I would melt? Who do you think is in charge here? You? … Hmph.’

NewYorkSlices

Hello, beautifuls.

Following that would be ice cream. There is non-dairy, non-soy ice cream (and you may find it funny I have to keep mentioning soy … seriously, that sneaks into everything). But, like the pizza, it’s almost ice cream. Sometimes my wife and I will both have ice cream (with me having the real stuff) and I can feel her looking at me. Well, not me, but my ice cream. There’s sadness in them there dairy-free looks.

My woes are a trifling concern next to my wife’s … but I am also greatly looking forward to the return of ordering pizza.

And let’s be honest with ourselves – the first meal won’t be A meal. It’ll be an ongoing love fest of old favorite foods and restaurants. We have discovered two restaurants that say, ‘yeah we can do no-dairy, no-soy’ and they ACTUALLY do it. Other places say that, but as I have repeated several times already, soy is a tricky devil. How do we know that soy snuck in to their food? Well, the kiddo is uncomfortable and a few tiny specks of blood show up in his stool. The body can’t handle what the body can’t handle.

It sounds bad, I know, but his body is ok, so don’t you worry about our sweet little tiny tyrant.

Here’s my prediction:

  • Night one: pizza and ice cream
  • Night two: chicken, salad (with a dressing containing soy)
  • Night three: going out to eat (Mexican I hope)
  • Night four: sandwiches! With cheese and typical bread!
  • Night five: going out to eat (sushi – a personal favorite of hers, eh for me)
  • Night six: goldfish, ice cream, chocolate, cheese and sausage and crackers
  • Night seven: just a large bowl of salad and our old forgotten friend during this week, veggies

Beautiful Colorado

Colorado

We drove to the top of Pike’s Peak (14,000+ feet up there!) which was frightening at times but awesome.

 

Colorado

 

Colorado

I wish I’d taken a photo to show off the scary drop.

 

Colorado

This pizza was fantastic. And they gave you honey to finish off the large non-pizza’d part of the crust!

 

Colorado

At my friend’s wedding we had a wonderful view AND rabbit guests.

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