The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for November, 2009

De Jour of the Week (11/2/09)

11/2/09

Ouch.

It took her a very long time to convince her husband to get the vasectomy. He was obstinate. He would give no reason sometimes, and other times when she would bring it up he would reach, trying to say anything to guilt her into not bringing up the topic. Her favorite excuse was one time when she was bringing it up somewhat subtly, he realized what she was about to start talking about – he cut her off and said, “good God – you’re going to bring this up tonight? The Charlie Brown Christmas special is going to be on!” She had to hand it to him, that threw her off.

Nevertheless, after a year of patient, skillful, (let’s face it) nagging, she had won him over. She had talked to doctors without him and found out everything there is to know about the procedure. She had promised dinners made entirely of steak and cake, and other promises we won’t get into.

He had consented.

They visited the best doctor in the state. He was prepped, physically, and mentally. The doctor was prepped. The earthquake was, well, unfortunate.

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Du Jour of the Week

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Weekly Wacko (2)

My junior and senior years of high school I consistently volunteered at a Youth Center at Hunter Army Airfield. I worked with elementary school kids, helping them to figure out their homework, or if they didn’t have any they would have me touch the ceiling (my lanky 6′3 frame was an easy source of amusement).

One of the employees at the Youth Center was Miss Grant. Miss Grant enjoyed having me around, and she was (as well as the other folks who worked there) great to work with. One day Miss Grant came up to me after I’d been helping some kids for a while.

“Well?,” she said, with a heavy dose of expectation on that word.

“Uh …,” I said, not sure what I’d missed.

She stared me down for a while, “aren’t you going to congratulate me?,” she finally said, again with the implication that I should be ashamed I hadn’t said anything first.

“Uh …,” I said, no less confused than before, but now feeling guilty.

She rubbed her belly.

“Uhhh …,” again, still unsure, but the way she rubbed her belly could only mean one thing, “you’re … you’re pregnant?! Congratulations!”

Trapped.

“WHAT?! I’m pregnant!?!”

Terror, fear, horror, guilt, worry.

“How dare you say I’m pregnant! I know I could lose some weight but -”

Then, she cracked up.

“That was fun,” she said, smiling, and walked away.

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Weekly Wacko

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Animal Facts! (Tiger, Dog, Polar Bear, Seahorse)

Everything you didn’t know about your favorite animals!

Tiger

TigerLove Chinese food, hate Chinese people.

Get cold much quicker than you’d think.

Favorite phrase is, “great, I’ll be on the phone with my broker.”

You’d think gay, but actually just very effeminate.

Dry hump like a champ.

Dog

Dog

Know a guy who can get you things. You need things? This guy can get you things.

Doesn’t care much for NFL, but strangely hates the Denver Broncos.

Got a grant in college to study the top quark.

Majored in psych because that’s what mom wanted.

Believe in a thing called love.

Polar Bear

Polar BearCan’t commit to anything.

Sell sea shells by the sea shore.

Are, aren’t they?

Try to make friends by buying people gifts. It never works out well in the end.

Love cleavage.

Seahorse

Seahorse

Dresses kind of slutty.

Says he ‘loves’ everything. “Oh, I love those shoes!” “I love that tree!” “I love that river!” Honestly, who loves that river.

Says ‘fustrated’ instead of ‘frustrated.’

Went through an awkward phase in high school – can not WAIT for the 10 year anniversary.

The unluckiest traveler you’ll ever meet.

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Animal Facts

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