The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘facts’

Rumors About Canada

My buddy Rainbow Speak is on his annual crazy vacation – he goes to Canada for about two weeks with some family members (dad, brother, that kind of thing) and they hike/canoe/fish/camp out. That’s it. Every day they wake up, break camp, hike/canoe to the next location, fish, and then cook that fish for food.

It sounds amazing and nutty.

Because of his upcoming trip to Canada I wanted to look up some information, and dispel rumors about our great neighbor to the north.

The Top 5 Canadian Rumors

1. In Canada you are not recognized as a citizen until you cut down your first tree.

FACT. Most Canadians have done this by the time they are three, so by the time they are adults they don’t even remember that this was a “big deal.”

2. Knock-knock jokes are not popular in Canada, not because they’re not funny, but because they imply that the door is not always open.

FACT. If there was a knock-knock joke, the second line would always be, “Come on in neighbor!”

3. The first time a serial killer was in Canada, it wasn’t until years after the killer was caught that Canadians realized this was a person who killed people, rather than someone who just really loved cereal.

MYTH. There has never been a human Canadian serial killer. The only serial killers in Canada are bears.

4. Maple syrup is used as a form of currency in Canada.

MYTH. They use paper bills and coins. No one would ever part with their currency if it was maple syrup.

5. In a dark room somewhere in Canada, an evil mastermind occasionally gets on a microphone and talks to a random selection of Canadians. This evil mastermind has the ability to talk to any Canadian, at any time. He simply asks the question, “what’s the first letter of the alphabet?” and Canadians answer seamlessly.

MYTH. The Canadian alphabet, like the Canadian people, is so friendly that the first letter of their alphabet is actually “eh plus.”

Animal Facts! (Actual Facts?!!?!)

Yesterday I posted some ‘Animal Facts!’ about jaguars.  This post and this post are about jaguars and are also fun.

Anywho.

Part of the jokes about jaguars came when I found the report I did on jaguars in the 4th grade. My cousin E came over (who helped start the series of jaguar posts I’ve done – again it starts here) and I found the report in my room and we browsed through it. It’s 2 pages of … well, you’ll see. His joke was, “did you just write down everything you read in an encyclopedia?”

When we got to the bibliography we realized that – yes, I just wrote down what I read in an encyclopedia.

The favorite line, by far, is “Other animals are intimidated by jaguars.”

This was not a statement in the encyclopedia, but a brilliant conclusion I came to.

Without further ado …

Jaguars

Jaguars live in forests, grasslands, shrubby areas and many other places. Jaguars used to live in parts of the world like Mexico, Central America, South America, Arizona, Southern California, New Mexico and Texas. Now they only live in Mexico, Central and South America.
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Jaguars eat almost anything. They like deer, fish, wild pigs, tapirs, turtles and capybaras and other rodents. Jaguars hunt mostly on the ground. They usually hunt at night. Jaguars are good swimmers so animals can’t escape into the water. Animals can’t escape up in trees either, because jaguars can catch them there too. Jaguars usually stalk or ambush. Other animals are intimidated by jaguars.
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Both parents are active in raising their young. They stay together for family protection. Jaguars are endangered. People hunt jaguars for their coat. Others hunt them to keep them off their land.
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Jaguars measure from five feet to eight and one-half feet long. They have a one and one-half to two and one-half foot tail. They weigh from 150 to 300 pounds. They have a golden or brownish-yellow fur and lots of spots. The spots on their backs and sides are lightly colored and have borders. There is a dark area in the center of each spot. The spots on the head, legs and underside are black. The jaguar has 32 teeth.
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Jaguars usually live to be about 22 years old. They have one to four kittens each year. The female is usually pregnant for 95 to 110 days. Male and female jaguars live together during mating season. Newborn jaguars weigh one and one-half to two pounds. Jaguars reach full adult size at the age of four years.
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Some interesting facts about jaguars are: Some Indian tribes considered the jaguar a god. The jaguars scientific name is Leo Onca.
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Bibliography
1. World Book Encyopledia
2. Book “Jaguars” by Alan Rabinowitz
3. Magazine “Americans” March 4, 1995
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The funny thing about this picture (and the one shown yesterday) is that they are arguably the best parts of the report – and I had a friend draw them for me. Thanks again Michael W., for the awesome pictures.

 

Animal Facts! (Tiger, Dog, Polar Bear, Seahorse)

Everything you didn’t know about your favorite animals!

Tiger

TigerLove Chinese food, hate Chinese people.

Get cold much quicker than you’d think.

Favorite phrase is, “great, I’ll be on the phone with my broker.”

You’d think gay, but actually just very effeminate.

Dry hump like a champ.

Dog

Dog

Know a guy who can get you things. You need things? This guy can get you things.

Doesn’t care much for NFL, but strangely hates the Denver Broncos.

Got a grant in college to study the top quark.

Majored in psych because that’s what mom wanted.

Believe in a thing called love.

Polar Bear

Polar BearCan’t commit to anything.

Sell sea shells by the sea shore.

Are, aren’t they?

Try to make friends by buying people gifts. It never works out well in the end.

Love cleavage.

Seahorse

Seahorse

Dresses kind of slutty.

Says he ‘loves’ everything. “Oh, I love those shoes!” “I love that tree!” “I love that river!” Honestly, who loves that river.

Says ‘fustrated’ instead of ‘frustrated.’

Went through an awkward phase in high school – can not WAIT for the 10 year anniversary.

The unluckiest traveler you’ll ever meet.

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