The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘animals’

Attn: Ellen (12/5/18)

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Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen377a

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Do you think in ancient times (whatever that means) there was some village elder who would go out on hunts and point to different animals and say either “delicious” or “belch?” Because really, who looks at big hairy animals and thinks “YUM!”

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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Attn: Ellen (6/7/17)

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Ellen312a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen312b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I wonder if animals ever notice when humans are doing that mouth gymnastics thing like when you’ve just had corn on the cob and you’re trying to deal with the aftermath instead of just flossing.

What do the animals think is happening? Maybe we’re communicating with the weather? Or that we’re insane?

If anybody knows, please clue me in.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (9/28/16)

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Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

ellen279b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Do you think animals recognize adorableness in other animals? Perhaps a wolf is out hunting and sees baby raccoons and says, “aw come on, I can’t eat them! Look at them! Widdle guys! Awww! OK. Time to go eat a baby deer … Wait, shoot!”

I guess it’s unlikely, but I think I would make a bad animal.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Yellowstone National Park 2/2

Yellowstone 2

 

Yellowstone 23

 

Yellowstone 18

 

Yellowstone 28

 

Yellowstone 10

 

Yellowstone 26

Attn: Ellen (5/25/16)

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Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen262b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Have people given serious thought to the idea that God exists? And second of all, that God is out of His/Her gourd on drugs? Just look at nature. “Ohhh dude … grab the red paint and like, just, the whole necks in red … woah, harsh, add some black racing stripes. Oh super rad. Ok now like, make it look like grass is growing on their bellies. Sick! OK, now …”

It’s just funny given how colorless some church are when natures seems like a celebration of variety, vibrance, color.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

God Speed Ned Berderdle

Ned Berderdle
Was a tranquil turtle
He lived a bucolic life
Absent of strife
His life changed one morning
Without notice or warning

A young boy named Buck
Was out and about, running amuck
Buck was full of adventure and joy
And saw Ned as his newest toy
“I shall name you Ned Berderdle!”
Buck now had himself a pet turtle

Some grass, sticks, and a glass cage
Look in Ned’s turtle eyes, you’ll see turtle rage
Away from his fields, his creeks, his pasture
Ned had to get out, of this he was sure
Looking around Buck’s room, Ned felt delight
Future friends and allies filled his sight

Wesley Daniel the brittany spaniel
Allister Beal the cockatiel
Vincenzo Stupenzo Wog the frog
And Rod, just plain Rod, the wonder cod

“Gents,” Ned Berderdle said with a  nod
“New guy,” a smirk and a wink from the wonder cod

“You don’t know me, I’m Ned Berderdle.
“I’m a nice guy, a quiet guy, a simple turtle.
“I love the outdoors and living life free
“And what I’d like, no, love, is for you to help me.
“I don’t know yet how I’ll repay all of you
“But I will, if it’s the last thing I do.”
Ned stopped, a light suddenly clicking on
“WE COULD ALL ESCAPE! WE COULD ALL GET GONE!”

Rod, you remember him, the wonder cod?
He did not hesitate, neither hemmed nor hawed,
“But don’t you see, I’m a FISH
“Better here than on someone’s dish.”
While odd, and macabre,
Ned had to admit, he was a shrewd cod
“But,” Rod continued after his pause
“A jailbreak is always a worthwhile cause.”

Quotes of the Day!

“but I don’t actually care where I stay as long as it’s warm and no bugs and I see you occasionally, i.e. every single minute”

Franny and Zooey

“They were staggered at my assurance. An animal may be ferocious and cunning enough, but it takes a real man to tell a lie.”

The Island of Dr. Moreau

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