The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

*Fwoosh – The Ship Appears*

1 – Holy crap.
2 – Dang!, wish I had my camera!
3 – Can I out-run my friends?
4 – What if they eat the fastest one of us?
5 – Can I out-run the aliens?
6 – Hopefully they won’t try and eat us.
7 – Dang I should’ve had that third doughnut!
8 – Nah they won’t kill us.
9 – I’m going to die and have wasted a doughnut!
10 – Oh man!
11 – What if they stink?
12 – What if they’re super intelligent.
13 – Incredibly kind.
14 – Can solve all our problems.
15 – But stink horribly?
16 – Does the UN have a stink-council?
17 – They will soon.
18 – I wonder what their language will sound like.
19 – What if they all sound like Ray Romano?
20 – Smelly, Ray Romano aliens.
21 – What if it turns out to be God, and He’s been cruising around and found a bunch of utopias and realized He should’ve spent, oh I don’t know, a week-and-a-half making us instead of a week.
22 – I should start to dance.
23 – “Welcome to Earth … check this out, it’s called ‘the white chocolate.'”
24 – If they land and probe me, I’m going to feel kinda bad for having laughed when I heard people saying that kind of thing.
25 – Although, it’s still kinda funny.
26 – Space Pervs! Hahaha. Sounds like a good spoof superhero flick.
27 – I should blog about that.
28 – Oh crap the door is opening …
29 – Is my last thought really going to be about blogging?
30 – Man I really wish I’d eaten that doughnut.


Comments on: "The First Thirty Thoughts I Would Have, In Order, If A UFO Landed in Front of Me" (2)

  1. I first read it as “First Fifty Thoughts” and got disappointed when you stopped at thirty. Then my intrigue increased slightly when I thought they might have silenced you after 30. Then I actually read the title and kicked myself.

    I agree with TS, hilarious!

  2. This has to be one of my favorite things you’ve written. Simply hilarious.

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