I’m at a work event where I know very few people. These events can be tough on me because I make little jokes, but people don’t realize I’m joking. Some of the highlights from the last work conference where I had jokes fall flat.
1 – A man is writing on a piece of paper how many years each of us in his class has been working. Then he asks us to count them up to see just how much experience the room has. Clearly, all the years add up to a very large number. Because I want to be funny, I say this …
“I’m gonna say at least 3.”
“Well it’s a little higher than that, keep counting!”
Not only did this not get a laugh, he now thinks I’m incredibly stupid.
2 – We are divided up into teams based on some little personality test they have us do. We have to list reason for conflicts with co-workers. The exercise is to show that either every one has the same reasons (communication-oriented probably) or that different groups see different problems … I don’t remember. What I do remember is my failed joke.
“Ok any other conflicts?”
“Dance fights.”
“What?” (This is where I should’ve stopped and said, ‘just kidding!’ but nope.)
“Too many dance fights at work.”
“Uh …”
Had I been clever I would’ve moon-walked right out of that room. Oh and also I would need to know how to moonwalk.
3 – I’m looking into the future and seeing this one. This is a brilliant joke I heard a friend tell and I’m going to steal it. The joke is this – you admit with some shame that you can be a little condescending, then you pick one person out and explain to them very obnoxiously, “that means I sometimes talk down to people.”
“Ok, so class, what are some faults you have that you want to work on?”
“Well, I can be a little condescending … (Picking 0ut someone nearby) That means I sometimes talk down to people.”
That guy, annoyed: “I know what condescending means!”
Seriously, this is going to end up happening. And yet I won’t be able to stop myself.
4 – Again, future failure. Because I’m surrounding by type-As the word decisive will undoubtedly heard. When I hear this I’ll stop paying attention and hope for my chance to jump in with a joke (it’s obnoxious of me but true).
“Oh I’d say I’m very decisive as well … I think. Or maybe … well I don’t know. Put me down as 50% decisive.”
With derision: “Uh … then you’re not really decisive, dude.”
It’s good to be here.
DumbFunnery 
Comments on: "To Joke, or Not to Joke" (8)
I’m actually offended by the term “bad joke”. I don’t think it’s going too far out on a limb to say we’ve got a similar sense of humor and all my jokes are brilliant…even if I’m the only one laughing. Ergo thusly, your bad jokes must be brilliant as well.
Seriously, I had an experience (ok, many) like that throughout my life. Oh yeah, I’ve actually tried this twice. First, start with an uptight business seminar in grad school with a visiting prof who’s actually a senior executive at IBM (or substitute a class full of mid-level Army officers at a professional school, many of whom are fellows at the Pentagon), then during the round-the-room introductions, you think to yourself how clever it would be to model yours after Steve Martin’s introduction in The Jerk…. The level of universal ‘stun’ on everyone’s face was….is memorable descriptive enough?
Remember this? “My story? Okay. It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin’ on the porch with my family, singin’ and dancin’ down in Mississippi…” Well, mine included allusions to my hobbies which included body lotion and aspirations of high-level consulting via an iridium phone from the comfort of my grass hut on the beach of some empty island. I swear to god that lady executive called me Navin (like from The Jerk) completely unaware and straight-faced for the rest of the seminar.
Also an update! No failed jokes today from me (I don’t think). BUT, a guy named Chad (so basically the same as me because we’re equally white) cracked a joke that fell flat. We watched a dumb video on how to handle a tough co-worker and Chad joked, “fire him” and the teacher said, “no, I don’t think that’s right …”
Fantastico.
This was great! I like #1. I can only imagine the looks you got. The ability to deadpan a joke…true art.
I like the use of the term “no offense” in situations where it doesn’t apply. For example, if I’m talking about my breakfast and I say that I scrambled my eggs. Then I pick someone out and say, “No offense, Ned.” Now Ned is confused and everyone else is wondering why Ned would be offended.
haha yes! Steve or bruce eh … I dig it …
I do something similar with my mom sometimes, talking about something negative. Like I’ll say, “oh sure, laziness, you’d know all about that wouldn’t you MOM.” It bothers her, which makes me happy.
I used to have a great image macro of #3 with a snooty-looking French horn player.
Dang! I want to find this …
Haha! It’s always sad and awkward when people don’t get the joke. Now I too wish to use #3.