I’m at a work event where I know very few people. These events can be tough on me because I make little jokes, but people don’t realize I’m joking. Some of the highlights from the last work conference where I had jokes fall flat.
1 – A man is writing on a piece of paper how many years each of us in his class has been working. Then he asks us to count them up to see just how much experience the room has. Clearly, all the years add up to a very large number. Because I want to be funny, I say this …
“I’m gonna say at least 3.”
“Well it’s a little higher than that, keep counting!”
Not only did this not get a laugh, he now thinks I’m incredibly stupid.
2 – We are divided up into teams based on some little personality test they have us do. We have to list reason for conflicts with co-workers. The exercise is to show that either every one has the same reasons (communication-oriented probably) or that different groups see different problems … I don’t remember. What I do remember is my failed joke.
“Ok any other conflicts?”
“What?” (This is where I should’ve stopped and said, ‘just kidding!’ but nope.)
“Too many dance fights at work.”
Had I been clever I would’ve moon-walked right out of that room. Oh and also I would need to know how to moonwalk.
3 – I’m looking into the future and seeing this one. This is a brilliant joke I heard a friend tell and I’m going to steal it. The joke is this – you admit with some shame that you can be a little condescending, then you pick one person out and explain to them very obnoxiously, “that means I sometimes talk down to people.”
“Ok, so class, what are some faults you have that you want to work on?”
“Well, I can be a little condescending … (Picking 0ut someone nearby) That means I sometimes talk down to people.”
That guy, annoyed: “I know what condescending means!”
Seriously, this is going to end up happening. And yet I won’t be able to stop myself.
4 – Again, future failure. Because I’m surrounding by type-As the word decisive will undoubtedly heard. When I hear this I’ll stop paying attention and hope for my chance to jump in with a joke (it’s obnoxious of me but true).
“Oh I’d say I’m very decisive as well … I think. Or maybe … well I don’t know. Put me down as 50% decisive.”
With derision: “Uh … then you’re not really decisive, dude.”
It’s good to be here.