DumbFunnery

For day two there are two different routes. One is 77 miles, one is 66. The 76 mile one is supposedly prettier, but hilly. The 66 mile (I have been told) is windier. 

That’s how I picture hills going …

Now for day two predictions for what I’ll be thinking at various mile-markers …

Mile 1 – Oh gosh I am in pain. My sad, sad tushy.

Mile 2- Maybe I should’ve listened to those people who told me I should buy butt cream … but could I ever really buy that?

Mile 7 – Ok. Feeling better. A bit warmed up.

Mile 13 (for this I’ll assume Rainbow Speak and I will be stupid and do the hillier, more challenging ride) – AHHHHHHH!

Mile 14 – Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.

Mile 14.2 – AHHHHHHHHHH!

Mile 14.3 – Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.

Mile 20 – What’s the perfect song to play when all you want to do is lay down, curl up in a ball, cry a little … oh and eat ice cream.

Mile 21 – Oh, duh, THIS SONG.

Mile 30 – I’ve biked over 100 miles! Holy cow! That’s … well … I don’t know what that is. Weird, I guess.

Mile 37 – Could I be any whiter? My name is Brad. I am biking a crapton of miles. I’m wearing a brightly colored jersey and I’ve said “neat!” at least ten times today.

Mile 44 – About thirty miles to go … come onnnnnnn.

Mile 51 – Oh man I am going to sleep so well on the bus ride home.

Mile 52 – Huh. Maybe I should’ve bought a nicer bike.

Mile 59 – Wait how did that child just pass me! That is upsetting. You’re two feet tall! You should be home playing video games you little jerk.

Mile 67 – Hi everyone, this is your captain speaking … on your left you can see some stupid trees and on your right some more hated trees. Oh and have I mentioned I’m SICK OF THIS.

Mile 71 – Is that some of downtown Austin or did a really cool shaped bug just die on my shades?

Mile 75 – Ooh that chick is hot.

Mile 77 – Well well well … I did it … Now someone please just take me to my couch.