The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Dear Friends and Family

We all make mistakes, don’t we?

I think every one of us regards Aunt Lois with great respect, even though eight years ago she sent money to help a “Nigerian Princess” or some such thing. Why do we still respect her? Because she had pure intentions and overall she has been an incredibly intelligent, kind, and clear-thinking woman.

I bring this up because I feel like I have had my “Nigerian Princess” moment in the form of living in a bomb shelter for the past few weeks, having assumed the Mayans had nailed it, and also having said a few not so fond fair-wells.

First off, a quick apology. My bad! Seriously! I’ll get back to this, but the next thing I want to talk about is my stuff.

Please everyone give me back my stuff.

And sorry if I cursed you out as I gave you my stuff.

Joey, even though you called me a moron, I gave you my TV. Yes, I gave you the TV with the implication that I hoped you would enjoy reruns of Frasier in Hell, but let’s look at that statement.

Overall, it’s positive. There’s hope, I mention a show you enjoy, and I gave you my TV. The only negative part was the whole Hell thing – but, as you and I have debated, we can’t really know if Heaven and Hell exist.

Why would someone not give me back a TV after such a kind act? I don’t know, Joey, but apparently you must have a reason because I still don’t have my TV.

Don’t worry, everyone!, I have good news too! This morning I went to a garage sale where a number of my things  were being sold (uncool, man, I don’t know if we can become friends again after that … but I suppose I would be willing to forgive you for that, if you forgave me for telling your wife she could’ve done better).

Please come back tomorrow for the apologies.

Comments on: "Dear Friends and Family" (1)

  1. Enjoy Frasier in Hell sounds almost endearing if you ask me.

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