The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Rumors About Canada

My buddy Rainbow Speak is on his annual crazy vacation – he goes to Canada for about two weeks with some family members (dad, brother, that kind of thing) and they hike/canoe/fish/camp out. That’s it. Every day they wake up, break camp, hike/canoe to the next location, fish, and then cook that fish for food.

It sounds amazing and nutty.

Because of his upcoming trip to Canada I wanted to look up some information, and dispel rumors about our great neighbor to the north.

The Top 5 Canadian Rumors

1. In Canada you are not recognized as a citizen until you cut down your first tree.

FACT. Most Canadians have done this by the time they are three, so by the time they are adults they don’t even remember that this was a “big deal.”

2. Knock-knock jokes are not popular in Canada, not because they’re not funny, but because they imply that the door is not always open.

FACT. If there was a knock-knock joke, the second line would always be, “Come on in neighbor!”

3. The first time a serial killer was in Canada, it wasn’t until years after the killer was caught that Canadians realized this was a person who killed people, rather than someone who just really loved cereal.

MYTH. There has never been a human Canadian serial killer. The only serial killers in Canada are bears.

4. Maple syrup is used as a form of currency in Canada.

MYTH. They use paper bills and coins. No one would ever part with their currency if it was maple syrup.

5. In a dark room somewhere in Canada, an evil mastermind occasionally gets on a microphone and talks to a random selection of Canadians. This evil mastermind has the ability to talk to any Canadian, at any time. He simply asks the question, “what’s the first letter of the alphabet?” and Canadians answer seamlessly.

MYTH. The Canadian alphabet, like the Canadian people, is so friendly that the first letter of their alphabet is actually “eh plus.”

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Comments on: "Rumors About Canada" (1)

  1. I remember the first tree I cut down. I was 5. Beautiful experience one doesn’t forget. We actually do have a knock knock joke, goes something like this:

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Frapper
    Frapper who?
    Frapper frapper
    Qui est là?
    Knock
    Knock qui?
    Knock knock
    Who’s there?

    You can pretty much guess how it continues from there.

    There actually was a Canadian serial killer. Bigfoot. He was a hairy fellow, and not human, and… Oh hell, you’re right, he was a bear!

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