DumbFunnery

In preparation for a camping trip I recently took I managed to outsmart nature with some pretty clever tricks. Here are just three examples of my flashes of brilliance:

1. I shaved all of the hair off my body. All of it. Animals are no dummies, predatory ones would take one look at my abnormal, hairless self and think, “that stuff looks like it’s gone bad. That is not good eatin.'”

2. I used a photo editor to create images of terrifying animals, I printed those out, and then I hung them around the campsite. Animals, seeing these images, would know to flee. The most intimidating one was either the shark with burly human legs or the 10,000 pound duckbill platypus. (I had a note on the picture indicating the scale. The animals probably sensed that rather than actually read it.)

3. In true freak-out-like-that-scene-in-Predator-style, I would randomly shoot about 300 bullets at anything around me while shrieking in pure fear.

You will be happy to know I survived the camping trip.

If this isn’t the look of someone who knows what he’s doing … Then it’s a picture of me.