DumbFunnery

Dear Mr. Jean Claude,

Recently my son turned 11 and a friend of his mentioned a movie of yours. My son is now dying to see this movie but I cannot allow this because in my family we do not engage in using profanity. I think it is foul, crude, and shows a lack of education.

I am writing, as a parent, to respectfully ask you to change your name to something more sensible and re-release your movies under your new name.

Here are some name suggestions:
Jean Claude van Darn
Jean Claude van Dadgummit
Jean Claude van Oh Golly

Thank you in advance,
Joe Watkins

Dear Mr. Watkins,

Thanks for your letter.

Doug – I cc’d you on this for a reason. Think you could write up a script where I’m the parent of a daughter in college and I wear tight jeans and high-kick over protective parents in the face? I don’t know, something about their overprotectiveness threatens my daughter’s life or something.

Thanks for the idea Mr. Watkins.

Respectfully,
Jean Claude van Damme No-He-Didn’t-Oh-Yes-He-Did