The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Du Jour of the Week’ Category

The Origins of Carrot Top

Lets say, for the sake of this post, that there is a God. Some beyond comprehension THING that has created everything that we know.

That would be time consuming. At least for us, because our minds don’t comprehend this THING.

In order to create all of us, that THING would end up doing a lot of duplicate work.

“Ok another human, basic ingredients: 2 ears, one heart, etc, etc.”

This ultimate THING probably has a huge Rolodex of recipes for creating stuff. But I bet the MAGNIFICENCE has it memorized because, if anyone could memorize all that, it’d be God.

Anyhow due to all the duplicate work the divine being would maybe create a GUI or graphical user interface.

In the Earth project God would click on the project and say Add->New and then Human. Then Human would have another drop down and, because they seem to always have this, there would be your standard options and then an ‘Other’ option.

Carrot Top is from the Other option.

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The Frasier Distribution List

Recently I got letters in the mail from the Houston Symphony, and the Houston Ballet. They are advertising things to try and make me more fancy. I am resisting the advertisements with ease.

Why am I getting any of this stuff at all? Because I went to a symphony event to try and impress a lady (it worked!). Here are some of the thoughts I had while at the event:

  • After the show I want to see if Niles and Frasier want to have a sherry.
  • Where do I turn in my drink ticket for booze?
  • I wish they weren’t singing in English, then I’d have an excuse for not getting what’s going on.
  • That Asian girl sure has a lot of hip movement for a violinist.
  • What date number do you think it is for those two to our right? Get a room you two!
  • I wonder how close Whataburger is to here … I need to un-class myself with some junk food.

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Products and Their Sponsors, part 1

Baby Penguin: Mom?
Mother Penguin: Yes, darling.
Baby Penguin: You have such an original scent.
Mother Penguin: And you, my dear, are a dishwashing liquid.

Think that doesn’t make sense? I completely agree.

Dawn Soap

Advertising Executive 1: Let’s put penguins on the soap!
Advertising Executive 2: That doesn’t make any sense to me.
Advertising Executive 1: I’m your boss and I am in a weird place in my life where I want birds on things.
Advertising Executive 2: I love this plan!

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