The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Du Jour of the Week’ Category

Silver Lining of the Bad Economy

The economy is not in top form right now, and that is unfortunate. It really is. What could possibly be the silver lining, then?

Blame!

It’s easy to blame the economy for things right now, and everyone’s doing it. If you’re not, you should be.

“Really? I swear, it’s like you’re not even aiming when you use the bathroom. What is going on in here?!”
“Sorry mom, the economy has me worried … will I be able to get a job after college?”

This is a potential conversation between a seven year old boy and his mother. Little Jacob can’t use the bathroom like he used to – and it’s the economy’s fault.

Say you’re at the supermarket and it’s weirdly crowded for a Tuesday at 3 pm. What is happening here? Oh dang, that guy has a sweet mustache. Seriously though why is this – oooh an open spot right up front! You zoom toward it, cutting off that sweet old woman who was there first.

“Young man, you should be ashamed! Where have manners gone in this world!”
“Sorry miss, it was either cup o’ noodles, or manners. And a guy’s gotta eat.”
“Oh it’s ok youngin’, I’ve been there before. Trust me. I’ve. Been. There.”

(Turns out the old woman was more creepy than sweet. Classic mistake.)

Yes. The economy is bad right now. But keep this silver lining in mind, and it won’t seem as bad.

And when the economy improves, we can finally afford that gold lining.

RIM SHOT!

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with:

The Loofah, and Me

Recently I bought a loofah, and it has changed a lot of things for me. “A loofah?,” you might be saying, “you never seemed distant to me!”

After a while I would finally get your joke. A play on the word “aloof,” and I would respect you less.

Moving on.

The loofah has changed a lot of things in my life. My finances have improved, I’m eating healthier, I think I look great, and most importantly, my personal relationships have developed more as a result. I find that after using the loofah while I shower that I can relate to people much better!

I’m almost ashamed to admit the conversation I had with a friend of mine just a few weeks ago. We’ll call my friend Jerry. Not for no reason, too, it’s because his name is Jerry.

Jerry: “Brad, they’re going to foreclose on my house.”
Me: “Jerry. That is news. This is an update to me.”

See what I did there? I wasn’t sure what he was feeling so I couldn’t guess what emotion I should have. I just limited myself to statements! With my loofah’d hindsight, I can see that he was probably SAD, or HUNGRY. Two key emotions for any human.

Jerry: “I’m so depressed.”
Me: “Well, let’s inflate you! With french fries!”
Jerry: “….Um. I guess I could go for a shake?”

Thankfully I stumbled into just the right thing to say. Phew!

I won’t have to just stumble my way into relating to people now! No, sir! Not with the loofah in my life!

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with:

Mother’s Day Test

There’s nothing closer to real, unconditional love than a parent’s love. And who better to embody that than a mother? That’s why this year, for Mother’s Day, I created this test.

What better way for a mom to demonstrate the power of her love than by pretending to forget what day of the year Mother’s Day is on! Then your mom can really show the amount of unconditional love she has. It’s an opportunity you’re giving her …

Say!, I guess this is a sort of gift after all!

That’s why this coming Sunday, Mother’s Day (May 20th! Don’t forget!) I plan to “forget” what day is Mother’s Day!

It’ll be a doozy!

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with: