The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Du Jour of the Week’ Category

What’s Gotten in to the America’s Funniest Video Audience?

  • Drugs
  • Laughing Gas
  • Video of their mother at gun point, demanding laughter, or else
  • Mildly funny (at best) home videos, but made funnier by terribly boring senses of humor
  • Instructional video on how laughing works out your abs
  • Strawberries dipped in magic rainbow sauce (drugs)
  • Sleep deprivation

I wrote this then looked for a video to demonstrate how much the audience is laughing when they show them, but I found this clip and found myself laughing some. Why, self? Why? Anyhow, this clip has laughter that is way too enthusiastic considering what you’re watching.

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Romance

My sister and I were talking and we agreed – for single girls, Valentine’s stinks. For guys in a relationship, Valentine’s can definitely stink. In my opinion, on Valentine’s, there are a lot of ways a guy dating someone can fail … but very few ways a girl can fail.

Try and think of a way:

  • “Darling, I made reservations for dinner and here you are at home not wearing pants!” This phrase would not be said with anger.
  • “You bought me … roses?! But you know I love tulips!” Let’s say a guy actually says this with some anger, solution: the girl wears something slinky.
  • “Aww, I’m allergic to these chocolates.” Her response: “crazy news! I’m allergic to … pants.”

 

So fellas, good luck finding out the magical Valentine’s formula:

Chocolates + flowers + compliments = a lady wearing no pants.

Happy Valentine’s everyone!!

Brought to you by … phoning it in, blogger style.

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Dad Jokes for Different Occupations

This morning Rainbow Speak and I (along with many others) volunteered for Habitat for Humanity. He and I ended up on the roof (sort of roof, it wasn’t complete) hammering … something. I forget what. From 8 to noon though we hammered away at whatever it was. Occasionally he’d say, nails in mouth, “this is a real nail-biter up here.” Terrible dad-joke. Which led me to this post. I apologize everyone, blame Rainbow Speak.

 

Carpenter (after being asked how was your day?): It was another nail-biter!

Pilot (after telling one joke while approaching the runway): I guess you could say we’re coming in a little funny.

Dentist (in fake sad voice): Bad news … it turns out I can’t handle the tooth.

Army (specifally if you’re named Joseph): GI Joe? When will they get my letters!? It’s JoSEPH. GI JoSEPH.

Rocket Scientist: Another tough day of work … Sometimes problems can be so difficult, but I just have to remind myself, “well it’s not rocket science, you can do this,” …….. oh wait …

Archaeologist: What tragedy is this I see! We get here and the place is already in ruins!?

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