The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Du Jour of the Week’ Category

De Jour of the Week (3/7/10)

3/7/2010

An Ode to the Guy Who Just Cut Me Off/Tried to Kill Me

Some people are pretty nice
Some people are just pretty (aw, now that’s not nice …)

And then there’s you.
YOU!

Oh, you with the car that goes so fast
You who look trampy and slutty and fast

What? I can’t judge you?
I can’t assume everything bad about you?

Gee, that soda was meant to end up on me
Those were empty calories that would’ve fattened me

I’m calming, I’m calming, you’re just an oblivious, bad driver
If you can consider someone who weeves through traffic like a needle through thread a driver

Is there a race going on in your mind?
Or are you just out of your mind?

And – wait – did you just give me a thanks wave?
I know a sarcastic thanks wave when I see a sarcastic thanks wave.

Oh, if I wasn’t! –
But I’m nice and have good values (But … If … I … Wasn’t …)

Whoops I pictured your tires all popping at once
And I have a feeling I’ll picture that more than once

Because now we’re bumper to bumper
And I wonder if my bumper is stronger than your bumper

What? I’m innocent, I’m decent, I’m sweet as sugar
Yes, I’m sugar, I’m full of rage and annoyance and anger and … sugar

Ok! Stop it! Think positive thoughts
Ah, it’s so … rainy outside and … it’s a Monday … and … where are my positive thoughts?

Phew, traffic is picking up now a bit
And I see an exit for an in-n-out so I’m chomping at the bit

Life is good, life is grand, life couldn’t be better
Well if dumbo here sneezed so hard he head butted his steering wheel life would maaaaybe be a bit better

No, no, that’s not right – as the traffic flows, my anger goes
Goodbye anger, goodbye moron, weaving through traffic he again goes …

But enough! Good luck fellow drivers! And even good luck dummy
Yes, I’m serious, I’ve forgiven the dummy

What a guy I am, what a saint
Though I guess thoughts of a double cheeseburger, fries and a shake can make anyone a saint

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De Jour of the Week (2/28/10)

2/28/10

Ehhhhhhhh …

I’m happy, I just met the love of my life
I’ll dream of when I can call her my wife
Minus teeny things that cause some strife

Her beauty left me speechless
Wearing that stunning dress
She kinda stank, I must confess

Her laugh couldn’t be more charming
And a smile light and so disarming
That twitch she had was a bit alarming

She had intelligence to spare and more
With diverse passions she’d never be a bore
Her fear of open spaces could be a chore

She told stories that made me laugh
I think she’s the definition of “my better half”
Her nervous-vomiting was a social gaffe

The girl is quite magnificent
I’d go so far as Heaven-sent
Ignoring, of course, her temperament

Yes, I won’t be able to sleep at all tonight
I’ll be thinking about this girl who makes it all right
This girl who is, mostly, out-of-sight

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De Jour of the Week (2/17/10)

2/17/10

How Bout them Apples

I’m up at the crack of dawn
And last night I drank like a fish
It’s no cock and bull story, either
So here it is: the full monty

I went out on a limb
And went for broke
I had a gut feeling
I’d be in like Flynn

I was off and running
I hit the tables
Papa wanted a new pair of shoes
And I knew I was a dead ringer

It seemed like my sixth sense
Was as sick as a dog
My dark horse pipe dreams
Were swimming with the fishes

It was time to get down to brass tacks
A penny saved is a penny earned
But rags to riches would be my druthers
So I hoped and prayed for some hocus pocus

Down, down the rabbit hole I went
The cards were dealt
I decided to wear my heart on my sleeve
And go all in

(Shhh … there’s a method to my madness
See, I look like I’m not playing wih a full deck
Like I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed
And people forget they can’t judge a book by it’s cover)

Luck was with me that day
The bigger they are, the harder they fall
And oh how the mighty have fallen
And now the coin in MY coffer rings

I wined, and I dined
And I was full of glitz and glamour
I bought clothes fit for a king
I was the tops, and I was spending over the top

The day wound down
Be honest – you thought I’d go all hell in a handbasket
But I’m high on the hog
And I’ve got myself a nice nest egg

Just now I’m as snug as a bug in a rug
I’m quiet as a mouse
And sugary sweet
But don’t stick a fork in me – cause I’m not done

Today’s another day
The early bird gets the worm
Lightning can strike twice
And I always go for broke

Copyright Brad Stanley 2010

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