The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

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August Haiku

August 1 (Tuesday)
(To the cotton song)
The touch … The feeeeel … Of naptime
Daydream of my souuul

August 2 (Wednesday)
Baby class tonight
Make friends? Embarrass my wife?
Go for gold with both??

August 3 (Thursday)
I’m glued to this app?
Dude, no way! I’m gonna save …
Then I’ll state my case …

August 4 (Friday)
Junk food for dinner?
No, come on, be realistic
Junk food AND ice cream

August 5 (Saturday)
Wife is out of town …
Time to go a bit nuts and
Clean up the basement!!!

August 6 (Sunday)
Grey skies and sprinkles
I need coffee, a window
And I’m good to go

August 7 (Monday)
New dentist today
Sadly, he’s not named Crentist
But I think he’ll do

August 8 (Tuesday)
I’ll say this to you –
My opponent’s a good man,
And a great snuggler

August 9 (Wednesday)
Last year: no snakes seen
This year: three spotted so far
Guys … I think I’m doomed

August 10 (Thursday)
Serious question:
Santa. This very moment.
He eating Ramen?

August 11 (Friday)
Tested code I wrote
Friday afternoon. Test fails.
Monday self: good luck.

August 12 (Saturday)
Nazi flags displayed
Not just sans shame, but with pride
What U.S. is this?

August 13 (Sunday)
Busy week ahead
This calls for … Naptivity!
(Actively napping)

August 14 (Monday)
Just chips for dinner?
No, be real, I’m an adult
Also having dip

August 15 (Tuesday)
Skipping a concert
Embracing lazy! Bonus:
Sold tix, got back cash!

August 16 (Wednesday)
Cleaning the house up
Do I find it dirty? No.
Wife vetoes my vote.

August 17 (Thursday)
My wife’s water broke
Fine, good, great … But a bit soon.
She’s 32 weeks

August 18 (Friday)
Ambulance transfer?
OB ICU? Check. Check.
SIMMER DOWN, BABY!

August 19 (Saturday)
Two steroid shots down
(They speed up baby’s lung growth)
Hoping and waiting

August 20 (Sunday)
Moving rooms today!
Want to hit thirty-four weeks
Each day cooking helps

August 21 (Monday)
My wife and bed rest
How will she survive two weeks
Of doing nothing?

August 22 (Tuesday)
Wife’s mom takes day shift
I work, then take the night shift
Wife yells ‘HOLD!’ at womb

August 23 (Wednesday)
Assumed dull bed rest
Instead every day is unique
Not in a good way

August 24 (Thursday)
Wife woke up and puked
Intense dizziness from drugs
The party don’t stop!!

August 25 (Friday)
Baby’s heartbeats off
Wife moves rooms for constant watch
…Child, stop it! … Please?

August 26 (Saturday)
Wife feels better now!!!
… But contractions have started
… And she’s in labor …

August 27 (Sunday)
Whoa – I’m a father!
Ahh! Put my wife’s guys back please!
(C-sections are nuts)

August 28 (Monday)
Holding my son is …
Love bolstering? Full of joy?
No. Terrifying.

August 29 (Tuesday)
Lots of tiny tools:
The small blood pressure leg band
Is my favorite

August 30 (Wednesday)
Back to work today
Saving paternity leave
For when he comes home

August 31 (Thursday)
Wife’s still healing up
Bed rest, the drugs, surgery
They took a big toll

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Du Jour of the Week

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Go For It!

I know, I know, you’re still feeling a little cautious. That’s fine! I’m here to answer your questions to alleviate some of your concerns. Then, you’ll be able to Go For It! with confidence!

Question: Are you sure? Should I really go for it?
Answer: Did I stutter? God. Pay attention.

Question: Will others think less of me?
Answer: Am I some kind of mind reader? I have no idea what others will think. Yeah, they might, or maybe they won’t, whatever.

Question: Are there any risks to my personal safety?
Answer: Yikes. What are you thinking about doing??? Maybe don’t go for it?

Question: How much will it cost?
Answer: Your money is meaningless to me.

Question: What happens if I start down this path and then change my mind?
Answer: I didn’t realize I was dealing with someone so fickle. Get out of my face.

Now that all your questions are answered, you have the confidence to go forth with style, pizzaz, and maybe even finesse! I couldn’t care less!

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Du Jour of the Week

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2017 SMU Football Predictions

Hi sports fans, here we go again.

It’s been a few years since I’ve done this – let’s recap.

  • 2011 Prediction: 8-4, Reality: 7-5
  • 2012 Prediction: 8-4, Reality: 6-6
  • 2013 Prediction: 5-7, Reality: 5-7
  • 2014 Prediction: 7-5, Reality: 1-11 (the head coach resigned in September, it was an ugly year)

Since then I skipped 2015 and 2016, perhaps I was afraid that I had played some role in the 2014 debacle, or perhaps I forgot/was lazy. In 2015 SMU hired a new coach, Chad Morris, and they went 2-10. In 2016 they went 5-7.

Now we are in the coaches third season, let’s take a wild, uneducated stab at their schedule. My knowledge of SMU’s abilities and those of their opponents are based solely on … I don’t even know what. It’s like that thing when you start saying something and you hope something good will come to your mind and you just dazzle everyone. That’s where my knowledge comes from.

  • 9/2 vs SFA … Victoryfootball-helmet-01sept2015
  • 9/9 vs North Texas … Victory
  • 9/16 @ TCU … Loss
  • 9/23 vs Arkansas State … Loss
  • 9/30 vs Connecticut … Victory
  • 10/7 vs Houston … Loss
  • 10/21 @ Cincinnati … Victory
  • 10/27 vs Tulsa … Loss
  • 11/4 vs UCF … Victory
  • 11/11 @ Navy … Loss
  • 11/18 @ Memphis … Victory
  • 11/25 vs Tulane … Victory

Total record: 7-5.

SMU football, you old friend/foe, I try to set my expectations low so that I won’t be frustrated but … I know you, you’ll still find ways to hurt my heart. LET’S DO THIS! FOOTBALL!!!

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Du Jour of the Week

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