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July Haiku

July 1 (Saturday)
Cabin full of fam:
Eight bigs, seven kids, two dogs
Time since last pout: 1.

July 2 (Sunday)
Baby shower day!
With baby obstacle course
…I’ve got work to do

July 3 (Monday)
Item checked off list:
Infield home run … Off a bunt!
Whiffle ball stud, here.

July 4 (Tuesday)
Annnnnnd back on the road
It’s the lady’s turn to drive
The dog and I chill

July 5 (Wednesday)
Want to prevent war?
Watch enemies eat yogurt
It’s so disarming

July 6 (Thursday)
Clicked on an email
The sales pitch excited me
…it was for children

July 7 (Friday)
Wearing purple shorts
It’s cool … Til I’m in a stall
“There’s purple shorts guy”

July 8 (Saturday)
Neighborhood party
Summary: Neighbors are nuts
I’ll keep researching

July 9 (Sunday)
The weekend zoomed by
XBOX One must be lonely
Sorry old buddy

July 10 (Monday)
Shall I compare thee …
To a Phoenix Summer’s day?
Soul crushingly hot?

July 11 (Tuesday)
Reading baby book
Apparently, breast milk is
Made out of magic?

July 12 (Wednesday)
Staying late at work
Code won’t write itself you know
… Not yet … Or I’m hosed

July 13 (Thursday)
First stop: candy town
Next stop: seeing The Big Sick
Wife and I: thumbs up

July 14 (Friday)
Long, stressful work week
But in the end, a success
Weekend brain: ENGAGE

July 15 (Saturday)
Long hike this morning
Beautiful views, and, get this …
I saw a MARMOT!

July 16 (Sunday)
The great Sunday fight
Desire to be lazy
vs. wanting doughnuts

July 17 (Monday)
Bought Stardew Valley
XBOX graphics takes naps, and
I happily play

July 18 (Tuesday)
The yard needs mowing
*A wild raindrop appears!*
Weather? You’re allllllll right.

July 19 (Wednesday)
One month of code pain
Finally done with this piece
Sigh of relief … Check.

July 20 (Thursday)
Oh, hi healthy lunch
What’s that? You want alone time?
I’ll get junk food then!

July 21 (Friday)
Phone shopping online
WHAT!? PHONE’S COST HOW MUCH MONEY?
…My iPhone 4’s cool?

July 22 (Saturday)
Hike to start the day
No one for miles around
That’s prime selfie time

July 23 (Sunday)
Sipping coffee and
Reading about breastfeeding
Typical Sunday

July 24 (Monday)
Costco shopping list:
Milk, chicken, and a cell phone
Just Costco things, right?

July 25 (Tuesday)
McCain fights cancer!
Also fights average person’s
Chance to fight cancer!

July 26 (Wednesday)
First ‘parenting’ test
Something scary, out of hands
I just sit and hope

July 27 (Thursday)
Appointment with wife
All the concern was for naught
Heart, unclench now, please

July 28 (Friday)
Fun pregnancy game:
She feels: ALL FEELINGS. I feel:
Confusion and fear

July 29 (Saturday)
Our little friends prepped
Next phase of baby room is:
Hot air balloon pals!

July 30 (Sunday)
Sleep in? Well, ok.
Accomplish practically zilch?
Sure, I can do that.

July 31 (Monday)
Oh, just freaking great
Time to toss my home-made tee
‘Mooch made in Heaven’

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Du Jour of the Week

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NextDoor – Cat Found

Have you heard of NextDoor? It’s a website for neighborhoods. It is something akin to Facebook meets Craigslist meets weird local newspaper ads. I recently signed up and get to keep tabs on what is happening in my neighborhood and nearby neighborhoods. The posts have ranged from: fb_share_logo1

  • cursing teenagers (don’t worry, someone informed everyone those boys are Mormon and therefore could not possibly have been cursing – turns out they were saying SUCKERS not … well, you can guess)
  • stuff for sale
  • advice on contractors/plumbers/etc
  • someone talking about her single male friend who is a catch (0 replies so far but rest assured I’m watching that one)
  • missing pets

Today someone posted, “cat found.” I don’t recall seeing one about a missing cat, so I can only assume someone is posting about their own cat who just achieved a high level of self-awareness and they wanted everyone in the neighborhood to know. (Who couldn’t help but brag about their self-aware cat?)

I wonder, who is monitoring these posts? And, how weird could I get if I was so inclined?

If I post that I’m selling a gently used box of diapers and include a picture of me smiling coyly, what would you think was happening?

How about a post that says ‘Fine China for Sale’ and then I borrow some steamy language from a romance novel to describe some plates. Would that be allowed to stay up? ‘Dang that’s some fine China, ya’ll.’

Or, another thought, how bored am I that this is the kind of thing I’m wondering about? AND, what kind of responses would I get from the neighborhood if I posted this … thing. What amounts to a velociraptor like study of where I can poke the cage to see what I can get away with? (Where my knowledge of velociraptors is, of course, exclusively from Jurassic Park.)

Do you have NextDoor? Do you like to watch people be weird? Or are you one of the weirdos?

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Potluck Sign Up Sheet

We here at DumbFunnery aren’t above a little tomfoolery. A trifle chicanery. A pinch of hijinks.

And one way to show that is anytime you come across a physical sign up sheet for a potluck. You’re walking along and suddenly, there it is, a little opportunity to exercise some creativity.

So grab a pin, take a quick, nervous glance around, and get to work.

Are you Peggy, bringing chinchilla surprise?

Are you Tom, bringing creamed man meat?

Are you Sus, bringing 2 to 4 cans of spinach with some straws?

07c7cad336a91d0807938ce6efb9ee86The key is to picture the confusion on people’s faces when they read this, the wonder, the hope, the fear. ‘Oh, please Lord, let Peggy label her chinchilla surprise so I don’t accidentally eat it.’

Are you Jerry, bringing FAMILY SIZED PORTION OF GLART?

Are you Paul, bringing egg, or shareable egg?

Don’t forget about adjectives, why not throw some adjectives not typically associated with foods on there?

Are you Jackson, bringing an incredibly sexy meatloaf?

Are you Parul, bringing judgemental paella (NO MOMS ALLOWED)?

See what I did on that last one – I overwhelmed you. That’s a rookie mistake. You can bring pancakes (NO MOMS ALLOWED) or you can bring flirty pancakes, but you can’t combine those two things. Then it’s obvious you’re a wackadoo. You’ve got to pace your crazy.

Get out there, pretend you’re Gunther, claim to be bringing your chilled yum yums – no cinnamin this time 🙂 and have fun.

As always, we here at DumbFunnery encourage kindness and weirdness, happy potlucking.

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Du Jour of the Week

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