The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Du Jour of the Week’ Category

Insensitive Insurance Package Names

Stop, Drop and Roll With It – Premium Fire Insurance that almost makes you want to be an arsonist!

(They’re) Better Off Dead – Life Insurance so good you’d think you’d have to kill to have it

Prescription Pain Thrillers – Medical Insurance so good you’ll be numb to the absurdly high cost

Swimmin’ In It – Flood Insurance so good you’ll start dancing to rain sticks

Auto-Mobile Socioeconomic Status – Somebody’s reaching with this name … But it’s the same joke, you know, auto insurance that’ll pay you back so much money you can jump your economic status by one level … Oof, I know

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A New Spin on an Old Classic

How about a new children’s classic called Frumpelstiltskin, which is the exact same as Rumpelstiltskin except … I don’t know, he’s frumpy.

Also someone has hooks instead of hands. And someone else is a serial killer robot from the future.

Probably a love story where everyone learns a lesson about not judging others by their looks, except for Frumpelstiltskin because come on, he’s clearly not even trying.

It’s called a comb buddy, ever hear of it? (This is of course from the Muppet Classic Theater movie, a gem.)

 

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Here’s What I Would’ve Done

Imagine if life had moments like when you’ve just finished a round of Catchphrase or Taboo. Everyone around you offering up how they would’ve approached something that didn’t work out for you.

“You coulda kissed her.”
“Didn’t you see how she had her arm on your shoulder for like a minute after you guys hugged?”
“It was pretty clear.”
“Yeah, I would’ve done that way different.”

I know it’s pointless but I can’t help but take part in the practice. Why didn’t you reference this movie? Why didn’t you break the word up and solve it as two words?

“Yeah, you could’ve gotten a raise.”
“You definitely could’ve gotten a raise.”
“Why didn’t you at least ASK for a raise?”
“You do know you could be earning more money right now, right?”

Consider it a new resolution, a pointless one because offering up pointless tips is as involuntary as your head moving forward when you sneeze.

“If you had leaned back before you sneezed you wouldn’t have head butted the chair.”

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