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The Proud Coach

I’m proud of these boys. They fought hard. They never thought about quitting. They just thought about the next guy on the team and what they could do to help.

Heck, half of them don’t even know their names but if you ask them to play their hearts out they’ll do it without a second thought.

That guy over there would take a bullet for any of his teammates, but ask him a simple question?, well, you’ll find that he can only communicate with an intricate series of grunts. A language all his own.

I love these guys. They never say die. They don’t know the meaning of quit. Several of them eat rocks almost daily because they don’t understand simple food consumption. But if I could coach anyone, I wouldn’t have it be anyone but them.

With the game on the line, heck, I’m spoiled. I’ve got a few folks I wouldn’t hesitate to call on. This guy, to my right, he thinks that I’m his imaginary friend but talk about clutch. And to my left, this guy is all business, after I pick out his clothes for the day.

I’m a proud coach. I’ve got a great team and we were this close to being champs. We’ll be back next year for another try at this thing. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got some hugs to give and diapers to change.

Go team, go.

Welcome to Houston, coach. Houston, keep on keeping on it that ‘L’ column.

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You and Your Adorable Dog

Have you seen the bumper sticker “who rescued who?”

The idea is that by rescuing a dog from a shelter you are the one obviously doing the rescue … But this sticker asks a much more deep and emotional question, wondering if it really WAS you who rescued the dog. Or, perhaps because the dog has dragged you from a burning house while you were unconscious after a night of excessive drinking that would make a coked-up investment banker blush, it has turned out that the dog has rescued you.

But then, fueled by a massive ego and inflated feelings of self-worth, your dog may begin to demand sacrifice. Not one or two but ten walks a day. Not just kibbles and bits but things too. And possibly even stuff! Kibbles and bits and things and such add up, and with your rehab costs … can you afford it all? (The night of excess was your rock bottom, and your rescued dog/savior was your guiding light to taking a good, hard look at your life).

That’s right, Rover, without me this stuff might as well be a figment of your imagination.

In this case perhaps a “mutually rescued” bumper sticker would be the way to go. Or you could stick with “who rescued who” but next to that add a second sticker to let your pet know who is in charge. “Can open cans” text imposed over a human form (that would be you) or a hand print (to stick with the theme of appendages).

Yes, you and your adorable pet are both grateful for the other. But just know that your cat doesn’t give a flying funky about any of that.

 

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Experts of Small Talk

As a fan of two teams who are no strangers to getting beat (SMU and Army), I have come to know the time-killing small talk of football commentators quite well.

In a good game, the play-by-play and color commentary people will talk about the plays that are happening, momentum in the game, how the crowd is loving the game, the excitement of the competition, etc.

In a poorly played game that is close, they talk about the poor execution, the coaches, if one of the people commenting on the game used to play football he will talk about times he messed up, how important focus is, etc.

No matter what type of game it is the announcers will tell cheesy little human interest piece stories about players. The difference between a good game and a not good game is the length of these human interest pieces.

Top Five Signs You’re Watching a Blowout

5. Statistics are shown for the sole purpose of highlighting the depths of the inept play of the losing team (SMU’s offense this year for 500, Alex).

4. You learn not just about the players, but also about their siblings and even their pets.

3. The announcers become tourist ambassadors for the town – talking about the zoo or the skyline. Not just mentioning it, but actually talking about it.

2. The announcers end up talking more about athletes from other teams or games than the athletes in the game you are watching.

1. A 30-second commercial for a fast food place seems to have character development, emotional depth, and is more fascinating than the game by far.

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This post has been brought to you by the SMU v Texas A&M game on ABC. Source for table below.

SMU Offense (after 2 games)
Scoring offense

6 points

125th in FBS
Rushing offense

-7 YPG

125th in FBS
Passing offense

178.5 YPG

105th in FBS
Total offense

171.5 YPG

125th in FBS
First downs

24

125th in FBS
Sacks allowed

13

125th in FBS
Turnover +/-

-3 (5 turnovers, 2 takeaways

125th in FBS

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