The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘My Zombie Roomy’ Category

My Zombie Roomy (6/30/11)

I think the Zombie must have heard the phrase ‘water weight’ somewhere.

(I keep finding woman’s health magazines in my apartment. I don’t have the heart to tell the Zombie that diet/exercise tips for humans, let alone human women, probably don’t work for him.)

In the meantime, any sitting water he gets rid of ASAP. I got a cup of water, took a sip, walked away, and when I came back he’d poured it out. And he gave me a dirty look for having left it sitting out.

On the plus side my place seems slightly cleaner. Any dish sitting out is immediately taken to the sink.

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My Zombie Roomy

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My Zombie Roomy (6/28/11)

I had a dream last night that I was sleeping in someone else’s bed and sweating a bunch, so I woke up feeling guilty for sweating all over their bed. Then I looked up and noticed that the Zombie had gotten my iron out and was spritzing me with it.

“Ok, sure,” I said, not sure what to do with this situation, “thanks for waking me up.”

The Zombie did not look amused in the least. I gave him a funny look and he held up this:

Good God, I thought, is the Zombie having image issues?

That’s when he gave me a look I knew I’d seen … yes, yes I KNOW that look! That’s the look my ex-girlfriend would give when trying on pants she didn’t like the fit of (one in particular but in case she reads I’ll keep it a mystery, right, Joanna?)! The Zombie hates his hips!!

If he goes anorexic he’d die, right? Well I guess a human would too, but with humans you can take them places. Sheesh. Time to look for a positive Zombie role model who is not super fit, and yet still ‘sexy.’ This is getting weird.

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My Zombie Roomy (6/10/11)

I noticed something, which led me to realize something I hadn’t noticed at all. Pretty deep, right?

Here’s what I noticed: the Zombie checking himself out in the mirror.

Here’s what I realized I hadn’t noticed: the Zombie has never once looked at himself in the mirror.

I think I’d never noticed the lack of mirror-visits because I didn’t expect the Zombie to care how he looked. Zombies have just never struck me as being too image-conscious. And yet, the amount of dried blood on him never seems to vary much. It’s like how I have a beard trimmer so I don’t have to do a clean shave – he maybe has some blood thing where he’s got the blood equivalent of stubble.

I don’t know where he his on a scale of 1 to 10 in the undead world, but that look on his face when he was looking at the mirror? I think I may need to try and cheer him up. Time to start casually adding a compliment after I yell at him not to drink straight out of the bottle of Febreeze.

“Zombie I told you – pour the Febreeze in your cup first! Also … you look nice today.”

Hm. Better keep working on it. How would you casually compliment a zombie?

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