For too long in my life, I couldn’t tell if a man was an unrepentant rogue. Then, fortune smiled on me, and I ran across The Care and Taming of a Rogue by Suzanne Enoch. A romance novel.
I took a trip about a year ago and as part of the trip I thought of a funny little idea. I’d buy a romance novel, and then the navigator would read out loud the romance novel. I thought it’d be hysterical. With this idea I headed to a bookstore and picked up the above-mentioned book. The back says, among other things:
“How to tell if a man is an unrepentant rogue:
1. He has no patience for frivolous debutantes
2. He kisses you after a single dance
3. He makes you forget yourself and kiss him back …”
Fantastic! It’d be funny for sure, but …
The reading of the book didn’t happen on the trip, but then another idea struck. I’ll read the book (I’d always wanted to give a romance novel a try), and then I’d read out loud the more hysterical lines, making a video for the blog. The video would either be just me reading, or a slideshow of pictures that have no relation to the book – like pictures of Betty White and kittens and dragons.
At first I read the book very slowly, a couple of pages a week randomly. Eventually I hit a line that made me laugh out loud:
“For a moment he thought he’d embarrassed her into muteness – which would be a damned shame. Then she sighed, a sound that he instantly memorized, and one that he wanted to hear again. Repeatedly.”
Yes! My plan was going well! I’d read this out loud in ridiculous voices, and it’d be oh-so-funny. But where are the dang sex scenes!? At that point I was about a fifth of the way into the book and no one had had sex! What kind of trashy beach romance novel is this! (I’ve since learned that, apparently, these books don’t tend to have a bunch of sex. It’s more about the story. Pfft.)
Finally, I hit the sex scene. Ow ow! Whooo! Woof woof woof! Awoooooga! You know, zagga-za and all that. I was reading, laughing, shocked and shocked. I really had expected a more Victorian style approach. Everything implied, nothing explicit. But nope. There it was, boom-shockah-shockah-sexxin’s happening.
That’s when I realized I couldn’t read this book out loud to laugh about it. A terrible realization. There’s no funny to be had? Then I’m done here.
Except … oh my … wait, what!!? What’s happened!?
The purpose of the book was shot but I had actually been SUCKED IN BY A ROMANCE NOVEL! NO! I knew it was wrong. It went against nature, but I couldn’t stop. I had to know how Captain Bennett Wolfe was going to get back at that jerk Langley. Ugh! Langley.
I read the book to the end and. I really didn’t expect it, but I was kind of impressed with the book in the end. I had figured I would be thinking over and over, “oh, I know what’s next, this is so cliché and predictable” – but nope, I was wrong.
I admit, I laughed out loud at some things in the book. Giggling like a child sometimes, too. And I won’t make it a habit to read these books.
Tomorrow I’ll have some gem quotes from the book.
DumbFunnery 