The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Have to be Told

May 19, 2011

This might be something the parties involved don’t want on the internet – so I’ll be discreet. A certain unnamed mother of mine, and a certain unnamed sister of mine were talking one night about going to Wal-Mart.

What? I couldn’t believe it.

“It’s like … 9 o’clock … why do you guys want to go to Wal-Mart right now?”

“We just want to go,” came the quick, but cordial response.

“Who goes to Wal-Mart at 9 pm? What’re we in middle school? I mean – I’m game for it too, but you guys are weird.”

“Brad,” just like the various combinations of red, blue and green combine to make so many colors, this ‘mom character’s’ tone, stance, and expression can combine to make so many things left unsaid well understood.

That Aunt Flo and her surprise visits.

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Weekly Wacko

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Attn: Ellen (5/18/11)

May 18, 2011

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is:

Dear Ellen,

After YEARS of hard work NASA scientists did it! A genuinely, truly, awe-inspiringly boring postcard!!

Yessir … after traveling through the stars and amazing planetary pictures NASA zeroes in on … a building.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

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Attn: Ellen

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TalkBack!

May 17, 2011

If you don’t have a fancy smart phone, you’ve probably got a friend with one. They’re everywhere.

If you’ve been around these people enough you may have seen them grab the phone and talk into it. “Call … Grandma.” Then wha-la, the phone calls your grandma. Or possibly Pakistan (that technology isn’t fool-proof just yet).

Anyhow – it inspired in me this app idea.

TalkBack!

Everyone loves teenagers! They’re so precocious, full of zest, and their attitude inspires … something. Don’t you wish you had their colorful outlook all the time? Get TalkBack!

When you speak to your phone, to issue a simple command, TalkBack! kicks in. Several things can happen, just like when you talk to a teenager!

1 – The phone will ignore you.
2 – The phone will respond, letting you know what it thinks of your command. There are over 500 responses with TalkBack! Responses include:

  • Why don’t you make the call? Lazy much?
  • Huh?
  • Hold on, I’m busy.
  • Oh my God you are kidding – you seriously want me to do that!?
  • Uh … what? Sorry every time you open your mouth I stop paying attention. But sure, try to tell me what it was you said again.

3 – The phone will turn off.

4 – The phone will explain how the F in English is because you’ve yet to get the latest video game, because, I mean really, so much time is wasted walking to and from the friends house who has that game and that time could be spent reading.

5 – The phone will do what you say.

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

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