The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘history’

Attn: Ellen (1/2/19)

Front

 

Ellen380a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen380b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I bet the first person who thought of removing the hair before they ate the animal they killed was revered with a god like status.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Where Would You Go?

If you could travel to any one moment in time but only be able to witness and not interact – When would you go?

Humanity has had so many powerful and important moments. The Earth itself has experienced even more powerful moments. Of all of these myriad occasions, how could you pick just one?

Well, I have thought long and hard about this and I have my pick.

The first time a human discovered pineapples are edible.

Look at this thing. Who would be so crazy as to think, oh yeah, I can’t wait to crack that open and eat its innards. pineapple-05It’s like a fruit porcupine! Everything about it is saying, ‘no no, not me, my outsides are painful friend, try a banana for God’s sake, it’s got that handy little carrying case so you can eat it even if your hands are dirty.’

But some human was going along and found one of those. Had something conspired to already crack it open, and the human picked it up, got those delicious pineapple juices on their (probably dirty) hands and the human thought, ‘ew sticky …’ then maybe the (gross) human licked his or her hands and thought ‘HELLOOOOOOO! This! Is! The! TASTIEST!’

And did that human then share the knowledge with others? I’ll be honest, I would probably not be so quick to do that.

Imagine doughnuts falling from trees around you, and you’re the only one who learns they are edible (and delicious). Would you be calling up your pals to have a free doughnut party? Heck no, you’d hoard them and gain a lot of weight and when people say things like, ‘why’d you gain so much weight? And why do you keep cleaning up the stuff that falls from the doughnut tree?’ You’d probably accuse them all of being communists and run away (but not much running, what with all the doughnuts slowing you down).

What if, WHAT IF the first person to discover the tasty insides of an evil-shelled pineapple was one of those rare specimens who doesn’t like pineapples! What a twist, huh? Bet you hadn’t thought about that.

The pineapple’s initial tastiness discovery clearly leads to a lot more questions than answers. It’s a time I think all of us should wish we knew more about.

Labor Day 2038

Today is Labor Day. According to the United States Department of Labor this is defined as

Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.

What you may not know is that Labor Day, starting in the year 2038, will be a day of unbelievable cruelty. But, only for a select few.

Starting in 2038 (I’d explain more but honestly give me some credit for at least being able to know the future partly) Labor Day will be a day when mothers (I’m not sure if that includes pregnant women too) will be allowed to inflict any amount of pain to anyone. They will not be allowed to kill people, but they can beat and berate to their heart’s content. The day will not longer be a day that is designed to pay tribute to workers, but instead it will be a day designed to level the field – to equalize the amount of pain endured during labor mothers will be allowed to inflict pain on others at their own whim.

Labor Day, the most feared day off work for the majority of the world’s population.

In the meantime, I hope you’re enjoying your present day Labor Day!

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