Simulated Loner
In high school I bought the video game The Sims. I was very excited about it. It was like my life – except my videogame-self spoke gibberish, and could actually get a girlfriend.
What a blow to my real-self self-esteem.
You start the game with X amount of dollars, which you can use to do whatever you want. Buy a low-end house, or build your own house. I decided to build my own house – excited at this idea.
I built this (relatively) rock-and-roll house, with a pool! That’s when I realized my character had no money leftover to buy, well, much of anything. I bought a toilet.
I had a beautiful house, a lovely pool, and a toilet.
I got a job in the game and made enough money to buy a ladder which allowed me to get in and out of the pool – this served several purposes. I really wanted to swim in that simulated pool, my guy could get buff swimming around, and I didn’t own a shower so I figured this would clean up the poor fella.
After a little while of struggling by sans fridge, couch, TV, shower, bed, etc. (I didn’t even have a chair) – my character began crying randomly.
I was incredibly excited by this discovery.
My character had become depressed!
This cracked me up to no end.
Eventually I abandoned that character. A female interest in the game had come over, and my character started crying. It was almost as intolerable as it was funny.
Character Number Two:
With character number two I built a more modest house, and got some furniture and the basic necessities.
I was surprised to learn you could set fire to your house when cooking on the oven.
Who knew?
Character Number ?:
Eventually I got the hang of the game and my character was advancing along nicely. The game informed me of something though, I needed to make more friends.
The game demanded something like five or six friends which I found unnecessary and rude.
I’m expected to, what, spend my whole night calling various people to maintain friendships?! UNRULY!
When a videogame demands me to have more close friends than I have in real life, that’s when I call it quits. If for no other reason than because it makes me realize how pathetic I am.
*This post was inspired by a long overdue call to JMinnie last night. I am very bad at keeping in touch with people – but beware friends of mine, I’ll be calling you soon!
DumbFunnery 