You know what? The next time someone around you is coughing a lot you should look at them like they’re nuts and then when the coughing fit stops say, “you must have a lot of caffeine in your body!” and when they look at you like you’re nuts that’s when you deliver the news, “because you’re so cough-y.” You’ll probably have to laugh a lot because I bet they won’t.
Cough-y. Coffee. Get it?!
My latest corporate development is an unfortunate one – I have taken on a new pet peeve. Just what everyone wants, things in their life that had always been there but now they drive them nuts.
At work I sit near a coffee machine that has three coffee pots. Two normal and one for decaf (I think we have one, maybe two decaf drinkers … you guys are just messing it up for everyone. A full pot for you crazies? Madness.)
A coworker has a system for the coffee pots which I subscribe to, as do a number of others. The system is that you pour coffee from the right coffee pot, and when that is empty you move the left one over and start a new pot brewing in the now emptied pot. Therefore the left should always be full, or if a rush comes and lots of coffee is taken, someone is setting the machine up to brew a new pot. A smooth machine.
But. There are … those. Those who do not subscribe to the system. Those who come around and pour a little bit from each pot. Because it is inevitable that I come around and the right one is mostly empty (grumble grumble, lazy jerks) and then the left one is … equally almost empty (lip snarl grumble long exhale head shake).
The coffee scoundrels.
That’s when a few sound bytes will appear in my mind – “it’s not that hard, just make another pot.” But then, “EXACTLY. It’s not that hard! Who is the punk that is stealing coffee lazily!?”
Now when I’m at the coffee pot I watch people. I judge. I make predictions and assumptions.
And these, these dear future children, are the kinds of mental developments that happen when you are a corporate entity.
***
Want the history of “Corporate Brad?” Sure, have at it …
• Corporate Brad – From 3/15/2010
• Self-Assessment – From 10/25/2012
• Don’t Mess Up – From 4/25/2013
• SysML, UML, and My Most Ambitious Self – From 6/13/2013
• Corporate Brad Update – From 9/16/2013
• Corporate Brad Announcement – From 8/11/2014
• My Legacy at Work – From 11/24/2014
Recently my fiancé (I am still more often than not calling her my girlfriend – whoops) and I spent the weekend with her grandparents. The idea was for us to relax, possibly go fishing, and just have quality time with them.
Despite less than ideal weather (which I learned impacts your likelihood of catching anything), the fishing happened and it was enjoyable. I learned a good bit from my fiancé’s grandpa and even got a rod and reel as a gift from her grandparents. (The last time I had gone fishing may very well have been for bugs.)
To me the most interesting moment of the trip was a very mundane thing that led to a funny realization.
On Saturday we were moving and shaking pretty much all day – fishing trip, then I went for a jog, then ran some errands with my fiancé’s grandpa, dinner, then downtime (phew). I had been looking forward to sitting on the deck, looking at the ocean, sipping coffee and reading. Sunday morning brought this lovely scene to reality. After a bit my fiancé’s grandparents came outside too. They began to talk about birds in the birdhouses outside of their house. Apparently some neighbors watch them so much that they recognize when they have come back (after they fly away to wherever during the cold season). Both grandparents told bird stories – the first about watching a bird fly up, up, up, tuck its wings and dive bomb down then spread out its wings and swoop safely along. Then a story about an angry mama bird circling the birdhouse chirping away at a baby bird too afraid to take that first leap to learn to fly … Eventually the mama bird came down, knocking the bird out of its house, forcing instincts to kick in and allow the bird to learn to fly.
My God, I thought, they watch birds for fun. That is a new level of boring.
This is when I had my moment of clarity. (By the water, too, how classically symbolic).
Sitting there, happy to sip coffee and not move, I realized how if me from 15 years ago was to see this … He would be shocked. I can’t tell you how shocked I would be. ME, one of those people who just likes to sit around and sip coffee (coffee!? blech!) and not move. Don’t I know there’s a BEACH right there? Don’t I know I could be doing something FUN? I looked at the birds and wondered, how many years til you guys are interesting?
I think there are three things that will help me continue to transition to becoming someone my 10 year old self would dread – enjoying life (especially the little things), finding humor in those little things, and having someone around who has to listen to my ramblings (I’m looking at you, fiancé).
DumbFunnery 