The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Donald Trump’

Gleaming New Roads, Bridges, Etc.

Together, we can reclaim our building heritage. We will build gleaming new roads, bridges, highways, railways, and waterways across our land. And we will do it with American heart, American hands, and American grit. – DJT, SOTU

In our drive to make Washington accountable, we have eliminated more regulations in our first year than any administration in history. – DJT, SOTU

DumbFunnery had the amazing opportunity to visit one of President Donald Josephine Trump’s new roads that is connected to one of his new bridges that he talked about at his State of the Union address.

215px-rainbowroad-smk

Possible inspiration.

The road is certainly gleaming. Never before have I seen a road that was constructed with 1% glitter. It is, in fact, dangerous. I met with an optometrist who lives near the area and wrote countless letters objecting to a literal gleaming road, but her letters went unheard. Her local representative, a republican, said that progress won’t be slowed, and then the local republican quoted President Trump, “America is a nation of builders. We built the Empire State Building in just 1 year — is it not a disgrace that it can now take 10 years just to get a permit approved for a simple road?”

To that end, I guess, they took it as a challenge to do as little as possible in the way of feasibility studies or ensuring that the road was placed in a spot that made sense (it doesn’t), that it is sound (it isn’t) and that it doesn’t literally cause blinding because of the ‘gleaming’ aspect. Donald Jacqueline Trump may love things to have a gilded appearance, but sometimes that is a horrible, horrible idea.

Ah look, another officer has arrived at the scene to provide traffic control assistance after someone accidentally drove off the gleaming bridge as the sun began to rise. The officer is wearing one of those ‘just got my eyes dilated’ pairs of sunglasses provided by the kind optometrist.

Thankfully, because this project seemed to embrace progress over logic, the bridge is not actually over a body of water, so the driver will be just fine. Though his car will likely be dirty.

I’m getting a closer look at the road and the construction company, ICE Construction, actually used literal hands and … oh God tell me that’s not a heart. I was told by an official spokesperson from ICE that

Be afraid, America. Be very afraid.

Upcoming Headlines

Donald Trump Sexually Assaults Mailbox, Republicans Rally Behind Him
Lindsay Graham (R-SC), “The president is able to think outside the box, which is why I respect him as a leader.”

 

Chuck Schumer, After Making a Big Deal Out of Not Getting the Coffee He Ordered … Drinks This Random Coffee He was Handed
Nancy Pelosi, seen nearby smiling her particular smile, had no comment.

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Bernie Sanders (D-VT) thinking about education reform.

 

Donald Trump Begins Wearing Bib 24/7
Paul Ryan (R-WI), “If the president is too busy thinking about solutions to our nation’s problems, and as a result he sometimes forgets to swallow food or he drools a little, I applaud him for that.”

 

Bernie Sanders Revealed to be a Muppet
When informed, Cory Booker (D-NJ) shrugged.

 

Donald Trump at the State of the Union Declares Love of Both Goo Goo, and Gah Gah
Republicans stand and applaud at Goo Goo, Democrats and Republicans stand for Gah Gah. Rand Paul (R-KY) stays seated for both.

Attn: Ellen (12/27/17)

Front

Ellen331a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen331b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Here’s the conundrum. I would say Merry Christmas to you, but … Donald Trump. He’s got his whole ‘Christmas is under attack’ thing going and I detest that man. Plus, I have a natural ‘you don’t tell me what to do!’ side to me.

All that to say … Happy Christmas! (I went British. Take that.)

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

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