The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Du Jour of the Week’

The Loofah, and Me

Recently I bought a loofah, and it has changed a lot of things for me. “A loofah?,” you might be saying, “you never seemed distant to me!”

After a while I would finally get your joke. A play on the word “aloof,” and I would respect you less.

Moving on.

The loofah has changed a lot of things in my life. My finances have improved, I’m eating healthier, I think I look great, and most importantly, my personal relationships have developed more as a result. I find that after using the loofah while I shower that I can relate to people much better!

I’m almost ashamed to admit the conversation I had with a friend of mine just a few weeks ago. We’ll call my friend Jerry. Not for no reason, too, it’s because his name is Jerry.

Jerry: “Brad, they’re going to foreclose on my house.”
Me: “Jerry. That is news. This is an update to me.”

See what I did there? I wasn’t sure what he was feeling so I couldn’t guess what emotion I should have. I just limited myself to statements! With my loofah’d hindsight, I can see that he was probably SAD, or HUNGRY. Two key emotions for any human.

Jerry: “I’m so depressed.”
Me: “Well, let’s inflate you! With french fries!”
Jerry: “….Um. I guess I could go for a shake?”

Thankfully I stumbled into just the right thing to say. Phew!

I won’t have to just stumble my way into relating to people now! No, sir! Not with the loofah in my life!

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What’s Gotten in to the America’s Funniest Video Audience?

  • Drugs
  • Laughing Gas
  • Video of their mother at gun point, demanding laughter, or else
  • Mildly funny (at best) home videos, but made funnier by terribly boring senses of humor
  • Instructional video on how laughing works out your abs
  • Strawberries dipped in magic rainbow sauce (drugs)
  • Sleep deprivation

I wrote this then looked for a video to demonstrate how much the audience is laughing when they show them, but I found this clip and found myself laughing some. Why, self? Why? Anyhow, this clip has laughter that is way too enthusiastic considering what you’re watching.

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Dad Jokes for Different Occupations

This morning Rainbow Speak and I (along with many others) volunteered for Habitat for Humanity. He and I ended up on the roof (sort of roof, it wasn’t complete) hammering … something. I forget what. From 8 to noon though we hammered away at whatever it was. Occasionally he’d say, nails in mouth, “this is a real nail-biter up here.” Terrible dad-joke. Which led me to this post. I apologize everyone, blame Rainbow Speak.

 

Carpenter (after being asked how was your day?): It was another nail-biter!

Pilot (after telling one joke while approaching the runway): I guess you could say we’re coming in a little funny.

Dentist (in fake sad voice): Bad news … it turns out I can’t handle the tooth.

Army (specifally if you’re named Joseph): GI Joe? When will they get my letters!? It’s JoSEPH. GI JoSEPH.

Rocket Scientist: Another tough day of work … Sometimes problems can be so difficult, but I just have to remind myself, “well it’s not rocket science, you can do this,” …….. oh wait …

Archaeologist: What tragedy is this I see! We get here and the place is already in ruins!?

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