The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Du Jour of the Week’

Keeping Up With the Kids

Recently I spent a week in California with a bunch of family. Among that family was a 16 year old niece and a 12 year old nephew. Naturally, I took the opportunity to catch up on the latest slang to continue to bring you, dear reader, the latest and most important news. Light on facts, heavy, on, commas.

Without further ado, here is some new slang.

  • Bath water waves – something drug-related
  • More ovaltine, please! – something drug-related
  • Slimy soup – something drug-related
  • Mr. Peabody’s Dentures – something sex-related
  • You going for a jog? – something exercise-related, possibly also drugs
  • Pokemon Stay – something sex-related
  • Shiny shiny wigs – something drug-related

There you go, readers. Listen for these phrases to know when to yell at the youth.

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with:

(Trail) Running Thoughts

  • M.C Escher must have designed this jog … I think it was uphill on the way out, and somehow uphill on the way back.escher_stairs
  • Oh man cereal is so amazing. I can’t wait to be eating cereal.
  • I feel like I’m in one of those westerns where someone gets dragged out to the middle of nowhere and they have to find their way back to humanity despite only having half a container of water and feeling deserted and afraid. Except it was my own stupid ambitions and energy and first half of the jog self that dragged me out here.
  • Is everyone I jog by less tired than me? I think everyone is less tired than me.
  • Woah. I feel like I must have looked like a STUD taking that hill! Man, I feel good! (2 seconds go by) Oh God. Time to stop and walk for ten minutes.

    photo(1)

    Once I can jog this trail by my house without stopping to walk I’ll allow myself to buy this shirt. A shirt like this has to be earned, you know.

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with:

Last Words

“Hey, welcome to the pearly gates.”

“Oh awesome! Does that mean … I made it?”

“Well, you are here.”

“No I mean like … Am I in? Did I make it into heaven?!”

“…Provably.”

“Probably!? What’s that mean – probably?”

“You’re an odd case.”

“Oh … That seems …”

“Listen, you were a lock for making it to the good life but then you had those last words.”

“My last words? Shoot … What did I say … I’m trying to remember.”

“You said, while obviously dying, to a strange man near you, ‘tell my wife, Danny Glover.'”

“Hahaha ohhhh yeahhh. I remember that.”

“Why did you say that!? We know it’s not an inside joke with you and your wife. We saw how confused your wife was when she heard your last words.”

“Oh yeah. Hmmm. I guess I didn’t think about her being confused.”

“Why would you be so cruel!?”

“Not cruel! I was trying to be funny.”

“Explain.”

“Ok, so … All right. I was aware I was about to die, right? And I thought, I should pass on a last message for this dude. I was thinking I could say tell my wife I love her and it clicked how Danny Glover’s last name sounds so much like ‘love her’ so wouldn’t it be funny to say tell my wife, Danny Glover? Get it? Like, it’s funny?”

“…”

“I’m realizing now it wasn’t as funny as it seemed at the time.”

“Now you see our dilemma over letting you in or not.”

“Yeah, that’s fair.”

sigue-danny-glover-eyleen-vargas_lncima20130828_0049_5

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with: