The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

Super Bummer, Huh Guys?

March Madness means wild celebrating, over-joyed faces and dances, and also the very image of being heartbroken. While watching a game this past weekend I saw a guy who looked like a dork, a guy who is on the team but who I can’t picture getting any minutes. And if I had played college basketball, I would’ve been that guy.

Oh man, guys … oof, right?

Ok, yeah, lots of tears in this locker room. I get that. I know that even though we’re on the same team some of you are looking at me like, “who is this guy?” Which is pretty rude since there’s only fourteen of us but whatever.

While all of you were training to take us so far and come so close, like … so, so close. I mean, did you see that? Shoot sorry. This isn’t helping.

Dudes! Think about all the sweet sympathy hugs we’re going to get! Probably from pretty girls, too!

perry_ellis

Kansas player Perry Ellis.

Wait, ok, since I have all of your attention … how old are you? I feel like I should always call you sir, and not because you’re 2.7 million times better than me at basketball. But you look like you should be celebrating your tenth wedding anniversary. At least. How are your four kids? Is it tiring being a college basketball player and masquerading as someone much younger than you?

Shoot. Ok. Distracted again. I’m cheering the team up. Uhhh … did you guys see there’s a grocery store by here? Pizza Lunchables on me, guys.

…

Oof. Tough crowd. So much crying.

All right, I don’t need to shower or anything so … I’ll be at the grocery store, don’t let the bus leave without me!

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Du Jour of the Week

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A Room of One’s Own

There’s a website out there that is worth a visit. The website is of course … http://catalogliving.net/

What is it? It’s genius, that’s what it is.

My wife and I got a Pottery Barn catalog in the mail and I thought, “hey, I’ll do like those folks at catalog living!” … Turns out it’s difficult. But hey, here it is anyhow.

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This is the sitting area, where you can read, and see the boy who crossed us so we trapped him in the picture frame.

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You call that a pan flute, THIS is a pan flute.

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Two of these baskets are labeled ‘gym,’ but Darlene knows which one actually has our stuff for murder.

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Wacky Eddie’s One-Stop Medical Shop

Hi I’m Wacky Eddie and I want YOU to come check out my One-Stop Medical Shop! Look us up anywhere and you’ll see we’re the option you’ve been looking for!

You won’t find anything BUT positive reviews on YouTube, Facebook, Yelp, Tindr, Twitter, and SnapChat. Everyone loves us – and YOU WILL TOO!

Do you need your teeth cleaned? Do you need a regular check up? Do you need your eyes checked? Come to Wacky Eddie’s One-Stop Medical Shop and you can get all of that taken care of in one efficient and quick visit!

Word of mouth is also a great way to hear about how great we are and I’m using my mouth right now to tell you – we’re great!

Do you need your dog to get some new medications or shots? Do you want your cat freeze-dried in a pose that’ll make you cherish your dearly beloved and deceased friend forever? Do you want to be artificially inseminated or fill out some adoption papers? Why not do all of those things in the course of ONE HOUR! That’s right, the one hour lonely hearts special to get your living pets taken care of, your dead pets freeze-dried, and you to be on your way to having a kid? Do it all in ONE HOUR!

Come to Wacky Eddie’s One-Stop Medical Shop and with a visit of any duration we’ll put your name in the lottery to have your body frozen after you die in case science discovers a way to bring you back to life!

Wacky Eddie’s One-Stop Medical Shop – you’d be wacky NOT to see us!!

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Du Jour of the Week

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